


Slipping Through the Cracks

by paramorebrighter



Category: Castle
Genre: Adoption, Drama, Family, Foster Care, Gen, Police Custody, police protection
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-19
Updated: 2014-11-13
Packaged: 2018-02-21 17:48:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 12
Words: 32,966
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2477012
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/paramorebrighter/pseuds/paramorebrighter
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Castle and Beckett take in a precocious foster child they find at a crime scene, but can they keep her safe when she knows too much?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Humiliation

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer- I still don't own Castle, Andrew Marlowe does, and I don't want him to sue me for playing in his sandbox. I'm just having fun, I make no moneys.

I laid there on the OB GYN's examining table and counted the dots in the ceiling.

_Fifty-eight, fifty-nine- oof!_

Something really cold and wide had been stuck inside. I heard the ominous  _click click click_  and winced with the pain of being stretched wide open by the speculum. If I wanted to get my junk stretched out, I'd have slept with a porn star with a twelve-inch penis. I'm sorry, I really can't believe that the actresses in porn enjoy getting fucked. I certainly wouldn't.

"Almost done, Kate," my OB GYN said. "Take in a deep breath and relax."

"Ow!" I grunted as the speculum opened my cervix. I blinked back tears. It wasn't just the pain, it was the humiliation.

I had always known I had a little bit of endometriosis since I was fifteen. My periods had never been comfortable. I had spent most of my life on the pill to calm the pain down and function as a normal adult. I didn't tell many people; only Laney knew. Period were still a bitch to me. Then, there was Castle. Yeah, he had a big dick, but he wasn't King Dong, you know? But he was also older. Older sperm was known for being a little weak in the numbers, but he still had the capability of impregnating me. My body, for the last year, hadn't responded right. There was a possibility I had had a few conceptions, but they hadn't last long. I knew of one: six weeks. That was a heart-breaking loss when I felt something, like a thread breaking inside me, and suddenly blood rushing down my legs, and I had been wearing a favorite pair of pants I had gotten at Anne Taylor LOFT, they were ruined, I never got the blood out, I ended up tossing them down the trash chute a few days later. And the cramps… They had been the worst. My fertility specialist told us that we couldn't conceive on our own and I needed some fertility help if I ever wanted to have a baby. About six months ago, Castle had been stabbing me in the ass with nightly FSH hormone shots that hadn't been comfortable and they had harvested 6 mature eggs. Castle had had the easy part of this procedure in the 'deposit closet' or 'masturbatorium' as we joked, although it wasn't really funny. He tried to make me smile, although this procedure was freaking awful. I had been through six rounds of this, but none of them ever implanted. This was our last chance before I had to go to try that awful FSH hormone treatment again.

A moment later, I heard the  _click click click_  and I breathed a sigh of relief.

"Alright Kate," my doctor said. "Good job. I want you to take it easy the next few days and come back for the regular blood test in ten. And no sex or alcohol either."

I nodded, clamping my legs together. I didn't mind giving up those things for a few days.

"You can get dressed," he said, standing up, disposing of his plastic gloves. I waited until they had left the room to sit up. I took a few deep breaths and wiped my tears. I didn't cry. Well, not often.

* * *

I had spent the weekend on the couch in yoga pants and a hoodie while Castle made meals for me. Alexis had come by from her new apartment with laundry, and she had joined us for a few meals. We had let her know what was going on about six months ago, and she had kept it secret for long enough. "I guess you guys really want a baby if you're trying this hard," she said as I sipped my water instead of wine over a steak.

"I hated taking a vacation day on Friday," I admitted.

"But it's worth it if this finally works," Castle said.

"Sixth time the charm," I joked dryly. Alexis sort of got that it was humiliating to be unable to carry a pregnancy because I was God's joke. I had spent my life in excellent shape, never did drugs (oh come on, everybody smoked pot in college), and I hadn't been irresponsible with my sex life, but I couldn't have a baby.

When I started thinking about it, the more and more helpless I felt; I did everything right, I helped people every day, and I brought people to justice, didn't that buy me some karma points? Apparently not.

After dinner, we cleaned up and made sure Alexis had some leftovers to take back to Columbia and I took a shower. I was terrified of taking a bath, scared that bath water would seep back up inside me and do something to this conception to make it fail. If my doctor hadn't told me to take it easy, I'd have been doing headstands in the corner of my bedroom the moment we got home.

In the bedroom, Castle was already stripped down to his shorts and putting his phone on the charger on the nightstand. I rubbed some lotion into my legs and got dressed in my pajamas. At midnight, I was on call, so I left the sound on.

We didn't talk. He knew what I was thinking, what I was doing. I wanted to skip my morning kickboxing to keep "taking it easy" as long as I could. They only told me three days, max, but I was taking an extra one just in case.

"You're thinking about this last time, aren't you?" he asked, climbing into bed.

"Yeah," I said quietly, picking up my toothbrush to brush my teeth.

"I hate saying this, and I've been holding it in for so long, Beckett, but… maybe we'll be okay without having a baby of our own."

"Stop."

"What?"

"Stop saying that, you're jinxing the procedure!"

"You've never been superstitious," he began. "Listen, I think we need to discus being childless."

Childless. That word felt like a smack in my face. "Don't say that!" I shouted. "We made a choice- we were going to have a baby, and this is going to work! It has to work because I'm almost out of options here and I can't be childless! I want to be a mom! I put it off for way too long and... I want this! I want a baby. It's almost too late for me to have one. This has to work. If it doesn't, we'll try it again. And we'll try again and again until it does!"

"Everytime they put you on FSH, your chances of getting cancer goes up."

"I know that!" I shouted. I pinched the bridge of my nose. I hated it when we fought. "I know that, Castle. I just don't ever want to regret not having kids."

"It's not the end of the world-"

"Easy for you to say!" I cried, feeling the rush of anger, the light-headedness, hitting me. "You had a child! Early in life! I gave that period of my life up to advance my career! You didn't have to! I did!" I didn't want to cry, but this was all getting to be too much. I was helpless here. What I wanted- what I needed- it hadn't happening. I was afraid to consider the alternative. Being alone. No children. No grandchildren. No runny noses to wipe, no diapers to change, no school plays to see, no stories to read, no graduations… "I didn't have children because I always thought I had time," I said quietly. "You think you've got forever. And then.. you don't."

"I know," he said quietly. He held out an arm to me. I wanted to climb into the bed with him and just sob. "Beckett… Kate?"

I sat down on the armchair in the corner and cradled my head in my hands. "It feels like… I made the wrong choices. And that I did the wrong thing. And I've forever screwed up my life."

"You know that I felt that way when Meredith told me she was pregnant?"

"That's different," I said. "You can have children into your nineties. I'm almost done being able to have kids. Menopause is right around the corner!"

"You're being overdramatic, Beckett. You're only thirty-seven."

"Almost thirty-eight," I muttered. "Forty's coming up. So soon. Sooner than I realized."

"I've never thought you were sexier when you knew what you were doing and didn't doubt yourself," he said. "You seem like a different person now."

I had been so into my job and solving my mother's murder that I had ignored my want to have a baby. And now, time coming up, if my body didn't betray me first. I fear that the doctor would tell me that I should have, with my endometriosis, tried to have children in my twenties. Early twenties. Before endometriosis had taken it's toll and scarred my uterus like a battlefield. It felt like I was being told I had done something bad, no matter how kindly my doctor told me that we had a limited amount of time to make baby. "I'm not," I said. "I'm not the same person, Castle. I want a child so badly. And we can't have one together."

* * *

I didn't want to cry when I got the call seven days later that the IVF hadn't worked and that I wasn't pregnant. Maybe this was it. Maybe I needed to just call it and live with it; I was barren. I was never having children.


	2. Best Laid Plans

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Beckett and Castle discover a small child at a murder scene.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer- I still don't own Castle, Andrew Marlowe does, and I don't want him to sue me for playing in his sandbox. 
> 
> A/N- Sorry, my mini-me has been sick this week, sorry about how long it took to update!

I was called early that morning; there had been a murder. I put on my father's watch and my chain with my mother's ring on it, and Castle and I headed out to the scene.

"I don't like him," Castle said. We had been discussing Alexis's new boyfriend, Chase, she brought over last night. He was from Australia, and I think it was just the accent, because I personally thought he was a douche, always one-upping everything either one of us said. Either that or maybe the sex was great. I wouldn't know. I kept waiting for her to go insane and experiment with a lesbian. But maybe that would happen when she was out of college.

"I don't like Chase much either, but what are we going to do? I hear echoes of Pi," I said. The Police tape was already up, and we walked into a scene behind a building in the Meat Packing district. The sun hadn't even risen, yet, and the emergency flares were out on the street. I lifted the tape and Castle and I went into the scene.

"Hey Beckett, Castle," one of the uniforms said.

"What do we have?" I asked.

Laney was knelt down beside the body. It was a man clutching something in his hand. There was blood shooting out of his ear and the pavement was cracked.

"Hey, girl!" Laney cried. "Black male, mid to late teens. It looks like he fell from one of the upper floors of the building. There's a bullet wound, so chances are, he didn't die from the impact. I'll get the gun from the bullet in the lab. Body's still warm."

"Do we have a time of death?" I asked her.

"A uniform saw it, so we have a time of death as four-thirty-two."

"What's he holding?" Castle asked, kneeling down to see.

"A phone. It's not working. This kid had no ID on him."

"Book it into evidence," I said. "If he was holding a phone, it'll give us some more info on him with IT. What floor did he fall from?" I asked, looking up at the warehouse above us. It was under construction and plastic sheets were taped over the windows, but most of the sheets were flapping in the wind.

"They think the fourth or fifth," Laney said. "We're already searching it."

"I'm going up," I said, standing up straight.

Inside the building, there was no electricity and the elevator car was in the basement and not working. I found the stairwell and Castle and I started on our way up. "They didn't see anybody leaving the scene," I noted.

"Maybe the killer's still in the building."

"I hope so. Close this case up quick."

On the fourth floor, the uniforms were searching for evidence.

"Find anything?" I asked.

"Nothing yet," one of the cops said.

I did a lap of the floor on my own: this had obviously once been a factory, it was being repurposed into loft apartments. The demo had happened, but not the rest of the construction. There were sheets and sheets of plastic blowing through the wind, taped up from the ceiling. Castle was taking a lap of his own; I found the north-ending stairwell, but the door was partitioned off with police tape already. Castle and I went upstairs to see the fifth floor, and do a lap there.

I heard Castle yelp and I jumped. He was at the south-ending stairwell, and someone came running through the sheets of plastic.

Nobody would run if they weren't guilty of something. It was somebody short; I braced myself to block them.

This small person rammed right into me. I grabbed him, and slung him to the floor.

"NYPD! Freeze!" I shouted. I was looking at the head of someone with dark hair and big coat on.

"No!" It was a little girl's voice. "I didn't do anything! Please don't!"

I realized I was wrangling a little girl. She was maybe eight years old, if my judgment was correct. But I knew that kids were smarter than most people gave them credit for.

"Listen," I said, pinning her arm behind her. I hoped I wasn't hurting her or causing her pain. What the hell was a kid this young doing out at this time of night? "I don't like to handcuff kids. But you're at a crime scene. And we need to have you answer some questions."

"Please don't take me to jail!" she pleaded. "I won't do anything wrong! It wasn't me!"

"Sweetheart?" I said, trying to build some trust. "Don't run. I need to take you to the police station to ask you a few questions."

"I can't go!" she sobbed.

"We're not going to hurt you," I promised. "We're here to keep you safe."

"I'm not a snitch!" she snapped. "And I'm not your bitch!"

I decided to ignore that, although it made me smile. "Language, young lady. If you come with me, I promise I won't handcuff you."

She didn't respond.

"Did you understand?"

"Yeah."

"Alright, I'm going to let you up," I said. She probably saw something and could be a witness. But I had to keep her safe. I had the feeling she was in the foster care system or was a runaway. "But if you run away, we'll catch you and handcuff you. Okay?"

"Okay," she muttered.

I let go of her pinned arm and stood up; Castle had been watching us.

She stood up and looked at me with fearful eyes, but I could tell she was trying to keep the bravado up. She was a little thing with pale skin and light brown hair, dark eyes. Her hair was really long and wavy, if not greasy, at the roots, and it turned into ringlets towards the ends. She looked like she could use a good hot shower and probably a meal, too.

"What's your name?" I asked.

"Natalie. But everybody just calls me Nat."

"What's your last name?"

"Holcomb."

"What's your mom and dad's number?"

She shrugged. "I think…" she looked confused for just a moment. "I don't know."

"What's your home address?" I asked, kneeling down to look her in the eye. She didn't meet my eyes.

"I think… I don't know," she muttered. "I'm a foster kid, I don't really have a home."

Damn. I've have to call a social worker and see if I could find some information on her.

"Would you like some breakfast?" I asked, standing up. "We can stop at Carl Junior's."

"Oh!" she cried. "I love that place!"

"What do you like?"

"I want a sausage biscuit," she said, sounding excited. "No, no, the bacon, egg, and cheese biscuit! Can I have a hashbrown, too?"

"Of course."

"We're stopping for breakfast? Count me in!" Castle cried.

"What's your name?" Nat asked.

"Detective Beckett," I said. "And this is my husband and partner, Richard Castle-"

"Oh my God, I know you!" she squealed. "One of my foster mothers used to read all your books! She used to read the Derrick Storm books to me all the time!"

"We have to go downstairs, and the elevator's not working, okay?" I said.

"That's okay," she replied.

"Watch your step," I told her as we descended the staircase.

We took her downstairs and got her into the backseat of the car. I made sure she didn't see the crime scene itself and I had a uniform pick up some biscuits at Carl Junior's. I had him pick up a few extra biscuits for Nat, just in case she was hungry.

"Were you out all night?" I asked her.

She nodded. "My foster brother had a deal and he was supposed to be watching me," she said.

"What's his name?" I asked.

"Jerry," she replied. "I didn't know him very well. I just got put there like three days ago."

"So tell me a little more about yourself, Nat," Castle said.

"I'm from New Jersey," she said. "Well, I think. I think I was born there, I don't know."

"How old are you?"

"Ten," she replied.

"Where do you go to school?" I asked.

"Um…" she looked stumped. "I think they were going to have me in PS 22 up in Harlem. I used to go to PS 34, but they had to move me because of my address."

"What grade are you in?"

She shrugged and stared at her feet. "Third."

"Is that where you live?" Castle asked. "Harlem?"

"Yeah."

"I'll be right back," I said, standing up. I took my cell phone with me to call Child Protective Services if I could place this girl and get her back home. I got a hold of my contact. "Hi, this is Detective Beckett with the NYPD," I said. "I found a girl who says her name is Natalie Holcomb, age ten, she says she's from Harlem."

"I'll look her up," the social worker said. "Ah, Natalie Holcomb. A smart little thing, but she's behind in school. Placed with Merriweather Nash just a few days ago. Hmm…"

"She was at a murder scene," I explained. "She said her foster brother brought her along."

"Oh. That makes things interesting. Do you need me to have her turned over the juvenile services?"

"Actually… not yet. I don't think she was involved in anything, but she might be a witness. We're still questioning her."

"Alright, let me know if you need me to pick her up."

"I will. Thanks."

The uniform came back with the food and I went back to my car. Castle and Nat were playing hangman on his iPhone.

"Hey," Castle said as I came up with the bag of breakfast biscuits.

"Food's here!" Natalie cried, her feet kicking.

"I got a bacon, egg, and cheese biscuit," I said, rooting around in the bag. "Oh! And an orange juice."

"Did you get a hashbrown for me?" she asked.

"Yes, I did," I said, pulling it out, handing it over. She moaned with her first bite.

"Natalie, I need to ask you," I began. "we need to talk about what you saw and heard."

"Where?" she asked, wiping crumbs from her mouth with the back of her sleeve. She took a gulp of her orange juice.

"Just now. Upstairs," I said, squatting down so I was closer to her level. She did smell a little bit.

"Oh. Well, Jerry's... got a lot of friends," she said reluctantly. Foster children and children living in poverty were the most likely to join gangs. "He said we were meeting one of them, so he took me with him."

"Where was your foster mother?" Castle asked, surprised.

"Oh. She was over at her boyfriend's," Nat said, her mouth full. She took another bite excitedly and squealed in delight. "I saw her the first day they left me there. I don't really know her that well."

"Can you tell me what happened?" I asked.

She took a gulp out of her OJ. "He wanted me to stay in the alley, but it was getting really cold. So, I went upstairs to find him, but I heard the gunshot. And I hid in the stairs, but I saw him run out and into the stairs, too, but he didn't see me."

"Why didn't he see you?" I asked.

"He was on the fourth floor and I was on the fifth. But it was dark. He had his phone on him, and I saw his face," she said. "He was bald and had this scar down his cheek. Like this." She indicated a scar across her own cheek with her finger.

"Oh," I said. She had told me she wouldn't give up any information, but once I fed her, she spilled everything. I wished I could get all my witnesses to spill with a sausage biscuit. "Can you tell me anything else about him?"

"I think he was like, mixed?" she offered. "He was wearing a leather jacket, too. Oh! I think he had a tattoo on his neck, too."

"Did you see what it was?"

"A mermaid."

"A mermaid, huh?" Castle asked, surprised for the same reason I was.

My jaw unintentionally dropped; she had just described Gabriel Savage, one of the worst drug cartels generals in New York, sneaking krokodile and transporting it from Mexico across the US. I wondered if Jerry had been involved with this gang.

"I haven't seen Jerry since," Natalie said quietly, putting down her OJ. She had pretty much wolfed down her biscuit and hashbrown, but she stopped herself short. "Was he the one that was shot?"

I didn't have any solid evidence that the victim was Jerry, but it didn't look good. This kid couldn't be asked to identify the body. I couldn't tell her yes. "We don't know yet," I said as carefully as I could. "I'm sorry."

"It's alright, he was kind of mean to me anyway, I didn't know him very well or like him much."

"I tell you what. Why don't you come back to the station with us, and we'll have your social worker come by and pick you up, okay?"

"Okay," she said glumly.

Once we had finished examining the area and gathering evidence, we took her back to the precinct. She talked our ears off and had so many questions. She was a cute kid, if she'd just take a shower. We arrived at the precinct right as everyone was coming in for the day. I sent a text to my DCS contact to come and pick her up. Castle entertained her with some of the games on his phone, and then went with Ryan and Esposito to question other witnesses that had been brought down for questioning. I worked on the murderboard. I created the timeline with the dry-erase marker and Nat watched me. She was getting sleepy at this point.

"Why do you do that?" she asked, looking up from the iPad.

"What, this?" I asked. "Maybe you shouldn't see it. This is a murderboard. It helps us organize our thoughts and see if there's any connections. See, here's the timeline, here's where we saw Jerry fall out of the building. And we'll put up pictures of the suspects and the victim and write notes."

"Oh," she said. "You said 'murderboard'. Does that mean there's been a murder?"

I debated on whether or not to tell her, but I knew that keeping secrets was the last thing she needed. "Yes, Nat, there was. That's why I was called to the scene. I'm a homicide detective. I solve murders."

"Who was it?"

I debated again. "I'm waiting on an identity confirmation from the Medical Examiner's office, but we think the victim was Jerry."

Her eyebrows almost shot off her forehead. "Really?" she whispered.

"Did you know him really well?"

"No. Not really. He didn't care what I did. I only knew him for a few days. And he'd smack me around when I told him I was hungry"

I nodded. On the bright pain, she wouldn't know the emotional pain of losing someone close to her. Bad enough that she had been exposed to this.

"Do you know who that guy was that I saw in the stairs?" she asked.

"I think so," I said. "He's been arrested before. And Vice has been keeping tabs on him."

"What's Vice?"

"It's crimes that have to do with prostitution, drugs, gamblings, those kinds of things." Man, she was precocious.

"So find him and arrest him! Isn't that your job?"

"It's not that simple. I have to have evidence, witnesses, and an arrest warrant, or at least be sure that I have enough evidence for an arrest warrant. I can't just go around arresting people because I don't like them."

"You can't?" Nat asked, stunned.

"No, I can't."

"I see cops arrest people all the time because they don't like their faces. Cops kinda suck."

"Hey, watch your mouth, you're in a police station."

"I saw one of my foster brothers get arrested. And put in juvie, just because the cop got up in his face."

"I'll be honest with you, Nat, there are crooked cops out there. But we're not all crooks."

She sighed.

"Do you have one of those computer programs that lets you look through all the different pictures of the possible suspects like they have on TV?"

"No, we really don't."

"What about one of those programs that helps you identify fingerprints?"

"Those don't actually exist," I said. "That's just TV magic. Identifying fingerprints is a painstakingly difficult process, but is admissible in court sometimes."

My cell phone dinged, and it was a text message from my social worker contact. I picked up my phone and read it. _As long as she's safe, can you drop her off at this address in Harlem? Talked to her foster mom, she'll be waiting._

"It looks like we're taking you home," I said. "You know you should be in school today, don't you?"

She shrugged. "I don't like school. I kind of suck at it."

"But you need to go."

She pouted.

"What do you want to be when you grow up?" I asked.

"An ice-skater. In the Olympics," she said, running her finger along the wood grain of my desk.

I was hoping she'd say something where she needed to learn how to do math and read so I could tell her how much school would help her with that. "Oh, cool," I said, capping the dry-erase pen. "Do you skate right now?"

"No," she admitted blushing. "I really hope I get adopted by Michelle Kwan and she'll teach me."

How terribly sad. Yes, I had dreamed of getting adopted by Mel Gibson when I was nine and thought my parents were being unfair and mean, but that had just been a fantasy that hadn't lasted long. Of course, she wanted a famous parent that she adored. What foster kid didn't dream of that?

"I'll tell you what; I'll give you a ride back to Harlem, okay?"

"Okay…" she sighed.

I stopped off by interrogation to let Castle know where I was going. "I'm dropping her off up in Harlem. I'll see you by lunch, okay?"

"Alright. Take care."

Nat was too light to put in the front seat, so I had to get her to sit in the back and made sure she put on her seatbelt. She peppered me with questions the whole way up to Harlem, although she was getting sleepy. "Like, how many murders do you solve a year?" she asked.

"I think around thirty," I said.

"What kind of gun do you use?"

"I carry a Sig Sauer nine millimeter."

"Do you keep a stuffed animal in your car?"

"What?"

"Like for when you find a little kid at the scene and you need to distract them from what just happened?"

"No, I don't, actually. Maybe I should."

I crossed over into Harlem and found the apartment address.

This building looked pretty old and dilapidated. I helped a sleepy Nat out of the car and took her grimy little hand. Merriweather's apartment was on the tenth floor. The elevator was working, but only a few lights were still on. I could smell urine and other choice bodily fluids in the hallways as we walked through. This building should have been condemned. I doubted the heat worked at all in this building.

Merriweather's apartment with 10F. I knocked on the particle wood door and almost shoved my knuckles through. I had seen a few doors with holes in them.

A black guy in a giant Knicks nylon pullover and a ski cap with a matching emblem opened the door. He was sucking on a lollipop. I heard Natalie gasp, just slightly. He didn't say anything, just glared at me.

"I'm looking for Merriweather Nash," I said. "I've got her foster daughter here."

"Hey, shawty," he said to Natalie, still not smiling.

I felt Nat's apprehension as she shrank back behind me.

"We take her," he said to me. "Ms. Nash called me."

"No, I need to drop her off with her foster mother," I said.

"We take her," he repeated, glaring at me. I saw the Savage gang's mermaid tattoo on his collarbone.

"No, you won't." I pushed Natalie behind me. "Unless I can meet Ms. Nash, I'm not dropping her off."

"We cool."

"No, we're not," I said. "Come on, Natalie, I'm taking you back to the station." I took her hand and lead her down the hall back to the elevator.

"Thank you," she said as we got to the elevator. "He's one of Jerry's friends, I think. He always had them over."

"He's got a gang tattoo of the same guy we think murdered Jerry," I said. "I'm not leaving you with him." I knew enough about gang violence to know that if they didn't kill her, they'd try to pressure her into joining and committing crimes for them. And, eventually, they'd force her into prostitution. Her situation seemed so hopeless, suddenly. But I was not equipped to raise her. I couldn't parent a foster child, I really couldn't. I didn't know how. Her education was underpar and she had probably seen a lot of violence. Her chances of getting adopted were almost nil now that she was almost a teenager; few people adopted kids that were her age, and she probably knew it. She was probably hiding a lot of behavioral problems and I certainly couldn't deal with them. I was completely unprepared to foster a child. I couldn't do it. "I'm calling your social worker. Your foster mother said she'd meet us and she wasn't here."

"She doesn't live here," Nat said. "Jerry told me she lives with her boyfriend in the Bronx."

I looked down to see her face. These things didn't seem to faze her at all. All this week she had been fending for herself? I wondered how many of her other foster homes had done this to her, too. Merriweather Nash was only in it for the check from the state, obviously. This apartment was a hovel and probably didn't cost more than $500 a month and this building should be condemned, but nobody was going to do it. My heart broke for Natalie, and again, I felt powerless to help her. How many other thousands of kids out there were in her situation, too?

I put Natalie back in the backseat and got out my phone. I called her own social worker and told her what was going on. "I really think this woman investigated and her fostering license investigated. That was not a safe place for Natalie."

"Detective, I'm sorry, we're backlogged with investigations," she told me. "We won't be able to investigate this until next month at the earliest."

In a month, those gang members probably have either killed Natalie or put her into a child sex ring. She'd become one of the lost children in the foster care system's bureaucracy. "Can you relocate her into a safe foster home?" I suggested.

"We've got twenty children in the system that already need safer foster home placements right now. I'm sorry, we're kind of stuck. Unless you want to keep her in police custody, our only other option is juvenile hall."

 _Amazeballs,_ I thought, sighing. "We'll take her back to the station and figure things out." I hung up the phone, not caring if I was being rude. "What a waste of gas, driving up here, right?" I asked Nat.

She shrugged, and was quiet.

"Are you alright?"

"Yeah," she muttered quietly.

 _Our foster system sucks in this country if shit like this happens_ , I thought bitterly. To read the statistics was one thing, but to see them was quite another.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love my reviewers!


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As a last-minute solution, Castle and Beckett take Natalie home temporarily.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer- I still don't own Castle, Andrew Marlowe does, and I don't want him to sue me for playing in his sandbox.

I left Natalie in the smaller breakroom with Castle's jacket over her as she took a nap and I got to work on Jerry's murder. Laney called me back and said that he had been identified from a school ID photo. I sent out uniforms to canvas for Gabriel Savage. Castle brought some turkey wraps from the deli for us to lunch, and one for Nat when she woke up.

I told him about the apartment where I was supposed to drop Nat off and what it looked like. "I think a few members of Savage's gang were waiting on her to be dropped off. They know we found her at the scene," I said. "And she told me her foster mother had met her once, and she never came back, she lives with a boyfriend up in the Bronx."

"You know what I think we should do? Take her home with us," he said.

"Are you crazy? We can't!"

"Why can't we?"

"She's probably got behavior problems and she needs help and- we're just not equipped!"

"Yeah, we are."

"She's probably got years of abuse under her belt," I said. "And, I don't want to give her the idea we'd adopt her."

"Beckett," he whispered. "We're struggling to have kids anyway. Why not take her home for a few days until we can get her in somewhere safe? We did it for Cosmo a few years back."

"What about if she starts stealing stuff? Or if she hits another kid at school? Or lighting fires? She's behind in school too, remember?"

"Wow, you're really expecting the worst out of her already. I didn't know you were so scared of foster kids."

"What the hell is that supposed to mean, Castle?" I snapped irritably. "Just because you had the most perfect kid ever born doesn't mean you're an expert parent! That child probably has a ton of psychological problems from being bounced around foster homes. I wouldn't be surprised if she's already been raped."

"Do you think it would easier to foster a baby or something?"

"Well... yes!"

"You've got a lot of preconceived notions about foster kids, Beckett."

I opened my mouth to shoot back, but stopped. He was right; I was judging Nat's situation unfairly. "What if she does have problems?" I muttered.

"We'll handle them. If she turns out to be violent and dangerous, which I don't think she is, we can always turn her over to the juvenile system for psychological care. But you're assuming things. We don't know her. And who says we can't get through this together? She needs a home, even if it's temporary."

I thought about it, shaking my head.

"It'll be good practice for us," he added in. "Until we can get a safer place for her to live."

I played with my cell phone for a moment and finally pulled up her social worker's number. "Alright, we can take her home. But just for a few nights."

* * *

Natalie woke up around one and greatfully accepted the turkey wrap, eating the whole thing. I got her some chips from the vending machine. "You definitely need some vegetables," I muttered.

"There's lettuce in this. And a tomato. And potatoes are vegetables too, right?"

"That's not enough. That's only like half a serving. And potato chips don't count."

"I don't like vegetables!" she spat out.

"Well, that's bad news, since you're going to be coming home with us."

She gasped. "I am? Where's your house? What's it like? How many rooms do you have?"

I rolled my eyes. Again, with the questions. "We've got three bedrooms, and we'll make dinner, too. With vegetables."

She groaned and flopped back onto the couch. I couldn't wait to get her in a bathtub and scrub some of those layers of grime off her. She'd smell better, too.

We decided that it was time to take a break for the night when the uniforms came up with nothing for Savage, and went home. "Alright, I expect you to be on your best behavior in my home," Castle told Nat. "That means no breaking things, no throwing things, no destroying things, and going to bed when we tell you to."

"Okay, fine," Natalie grumbled.

"We're going to wash your clothes and you're going to take a shower. Like, immediately," I said.

"Do I smell?" Natalie asked, surprised.

"Yes, a little bit."

"The water in that apartment was yellow," Natalie said.

"When was the last time you had a shower?"

She grimaced. "Last week. The shower didn't work, either."

"Doesn't somebody inspect those apartment buildings?" I muttered. Bureaucracy.

We took her into the lobby and said hello to the doorman.

"Wow. This is a really nice apartment," Natalie noted. "Does the doorman stand there all the time? Does he help you when you have stuff to take up?"

"Natalie! Always with the questions!" Castle joked, hitting the elevator button.

When we opened the door to our apartment, I heard her utter, " _Woow_!"

"Go upstairs, second bedroom to the left is going to be yours," Castle instructed. That was Martha's old room. "There's a bathroom up there, there should be towels out. Go and take a shower, we'll start the laundry."

"What'll I wear after that?" she asked fearfully.

"I'll bring some stuff up," I offered, thinking of my gym t-shirts she could wear.

She scampered up the stairs and I went to my room to get clothes for her. I could hear her in the bathroom, tinkering around with stuff. I knocked on the door. "Nat, can I come in?" I asked.

"I'm naked, no!" she shouted.

"Did you find the towels?"

"Yes."

"I've got some clothes for you," I said.

"Leave them outside the door."

"Can I get your clothes to put in the laundry?"

"No! I'm not opening the door!" she switched the lock. "You have to leave!"

"I'm not going to look, promise!"

She was silent. And I finally heard the door unlock, and she timidly opened it. She had the towel wrapped around herself. "I can't figure out the shower," she admitted.

I set the t-shirt and gym shorts down on the counter and turned the lever in the shower on in such a way that it was hot water. There was a fresh bar of soap and a bottle of shampoo left in the shower, that should do it. "This is how you adjust it," I said, showing her. "Pull it forward if you want it stronger, then to the left."

"Oh!" she cried. "I've never seen that before."

"Well, now you know. I'll take your clothes downstairs, okay? Change into these," I pointed to the clothes on the counter. I got out a fresh toothbrush in the package and a tube of toothpaste. "We'll start on dinner."

"Okay!" she said, tugging the towel tightly around herself.

I left the bathroom and went downstairs. Her distrust of me in her bathroom bothered me a lot. It screamed sexual abuse in my mind.

"I threatened her with vegetables," I reported to Castle, taking her dirty laundry to the laundry closet. "We have to see through our threat."

"I'm already on it. Stir-fry is on tonight's menu."

I started a small load in the machine and turned it to super-hot to try to get all the germs out of her clothes. They reeked. I put in a little extra Tide, too. She had been wearing a t-shirt, a flannel button-up and a hoodie over her stained jeans. Her underwear as so dirty, I almost chucked them in the garbage, but they were her only pair, as far as I knew. I doubted her clothes in that slum were any cleaner. It wouldn't be so bad to go to the drug store and buy her some more.

"I think I have a few of Alexis's old books in her room if we wanted to read to her tonight. We don't have any of Alexis's old clothes, though," he continued.

"I wish we did," I muttered. We were so unprepared for a ten-year-old little girl in our house. "I think we need to find a way to get her into a school. She said something about PS 22, but I don't think she's been, yet."

"We'll figure it out," he said.

"What are we going to do with her tomorrow?"

"Take her to the precinct?"

"With all those questions?"

"She's just precocious," Castle said. "If push comes to shove, I'll take her to the museum or something."

"She's not Alexis," I pointed out. Alexis had been the mature and responsible child, always taking care of herself. Castle told me that she did her own laundry as early as age eight and put herself to bed without him telling her to. Nat was a wild card, we didn't know what to expect.

"The point with kids is to have fun with them," he said, shaking soy sauce into the pan.

"Oh, I forgot, you're the number one dad in the world," I rolled my eyes.

"Alexis gave me a mug that says so, so it's true," he replied, grinning.

"You're hilarious," I said, pinching his butt. "If you weren't so cute, I wouldn't put up with your shit."

"I know I'm cute," he responded. I kissed him. And kissed him again. We made out for a few minutes until I heard the shower upstairs go off. "We've got to get dinner finished," he said.

"I'l set the table."

A few minutes later, Natalie came down the stairs, her wet hair dripping all over my NYPD t-shirt (that was a dress on her), not even combed out. To my surprise, she was much paler than I initially thought.

"Natalie, come here," I said, taking her hand. "We're going to comb out your hair, alright?"

"There wasn't a comb up there," she said.

"I didn't think of that." I took her to my bathroom and combed her hair out with a wide-toothed comb. Her hair was so damaged at the ends that it was difficult to get the comb through, and she shrieked a few times before I put a little detangler in her hair.

"That smells so good!" Natalie cried. "Mmmm!"

"I use this all the time," I said, getting out my hairdryer.

"Do I smell like you now?" she asked.

"I don't know," I said. "I wear perfume, too."

"Which one?" she asked, eyeing my cosmetics on the corner of the bathroom counter.

"This one," I said, picking up my Michael Korrs perfume. "It's tuberroses and cherries."

She took a sniff and then sprayed some on herself, wincing.

"Here, let me dry your hair," I said. She squeezed her eyes shut and I switched it on. To my surprise, as her hair dried, it was much lighter than the light brown she had come in with. She was a dark blonde with some reddish undertones now that her hair was clean. The blow dryer dried her hair into frizzy waves instead of the ringlets. "I didn't know you were blonde," I said, turning off the hairdryer.

"What? How did you miss that?" she asked. I noticed my running shorts had pooled around her ankles.

"Let's pull your shorts back on," I said, thinking of the draw string. Once she had them up, I pulled the drawstring tight, and tied it off. I walked her into the dining room where Castle had set the table for us to eat.

"Where did this blonde child come from?" he joked. "I thought we brought home Natalie."

"We did, this is just Nat's natural hair color when it's clean," I joked. "Alright Nat, let's sit down to eat."

"This looks like Chinese!" she said happily. "I'll eat this!"

"Score," Castle muttered to himself as Natalie dug in with her fork.

"I like sweet and sour lo mein," Nat told us with a full mouth. I wanted to remind her to chew with her mouth closed, never speak with her mouthful, but I knew that she'd never live that down. "But this'll be okay."

"I'm so glad I could accomodate you, Nat," Castle joked.

"It probably taste differently because it's not soaked in MSG," I noted.

"What's MSG?"

"It's a really bad salt," Castle explained. "It's addictive, but a lot of cheap foods have some form of it in them to make it stay mold-free longer. It's not good for you."

Before we knew it, she had eaten her entire plate and was asking for seconds. A part of me wondered if she had been left to fend for herself in her foster homes. I had been to a few at work that were actually great places for their kids, but it didn't seem she had been in one. At least in her last foster home.

"Save room for dessert!" Castle warned her.

"We're having dessert?" she asked.

"Yes, we are. Ice cream. And then it's bedtime."

She groaned again like we were torturing her.

"We'll read you a book," he offered. "What ever one you want."

"And we've got a lot of books," I said.

After dinner, I took Natalie and I went through the bookshelf that held Alexis's old books.

"What do you like to read?" I asked.

"I don't know," Natalie said, not looking me in the eye. "You pick something."

I scanned the bookshelf and saw an old copy of  _Bunnicula_  with a cracked spine. "I like this one a lot when I was your age," I said.

"That's a big book," she noted.

"We'll read it together," I said, taking her hand. I lead her upstairs to Martha's old room and Castle was just finishing with making up the bed. We got her in and pulled the sheets up over her legs and I sat down beside her. I opened the book, and Alexis's name was written in faded pencil in a childish scrawl on the opening page. Castle sat down on the end of the bed, too. "Do you want me to start?"

"Okay."

" _Bunnicula: A Rabbit Tale of Mystery_  by James and Deborah Howe," I started. " _Chapter One: I shall never forget the first time I laid these now tired eyes on our visitor. I had been left home by the family with the admonition to take care of the house until they returned…_ "

* * *

I read to Natalie while Castle listened on until my voice was hoarse. Nat never once asked to take over reading herself and was dead quiet. Her eyes started to droop and that was when I put the bookmark in and we tucked her into bed to sleep and turned out the lights.

"I don't think she can read," Castle whispered to me as we went to the living room.

I frowned. "What makes you think that?" I asked.

"She looked confused when trying to follow along with you," he said.

"She can't not be able to read," I began, distressed at the thought. A child her age? Unable to read? But she had said to me that it was a big book. It was a children's chapter book, but it wasn't that long. We had gotten through four chapters before turning out the lights. "She said she's in the third grade!"

"Bush made sure age didn't mean anything and kids had to be promoted through school when he passed the No Child Left Behind law," Castle said. "They can be functionally illiterate and still get through school. I almost became a teacher, you knew that?"

He had told me he had almost gone into education before becoming a writer. I had to trust him on this. "I remember," I said.

"She's probably never had a parent really take her aside and work with her. Or talked to her teacher about what needs to be done. I'm sure she's failed a few grades by now."

"You really think…?"

"I do."

I felt even more terrible for Natalie than before. She had almost every disadvantage a child could have. Her life was on a terrible downslide already and nobody was looking out for her. She'd never get adopted by a suitable parents.

"I have the feeling she's dyslexic, too," Castle continued. She hadn't known how to turn on the shower properly, either.

"She might be," I muttered. It always astounded me that so many people didn't like to read, but here was Natalie, and she probably couldn't even read. "We're going to make sure she's enrolled in school tomorrow and talk to her teacher about this."

"Wait a second," he said, getting some red wine glasses out of the cabinet. "We don't know that she can't read." He pulled the cork out of the last of the bottle of Cabernet we had started last night. "We need proof."

"I doubt she'll let us know about it," I said sadly, taking a sip.

"She's smart, but the system's failed her," Castle said. "She notices things. She has a lot of questions. She's curious and I think she wants to learn, but there's never been anybody to teach her or be involved in her education."

"If this is true, I have no hope left for humankind," I muttered.


	4. Love and attention

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Castle and Beckett decide to keep Natalie home for a while, until they can arrange something better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer- I still don't own Castle, Andrew Marlowe does, and I don't want him to sue me for playing in his sandbox. I'm just having fun, I make no moneys.

 

Natalie was pretty cranky when Castle brought her downstairs the next morning in her oversized clothes I had washed and left out on the end of her bed last night. She was a lot nicer after I gave her some oatmeal and raisins for breakfast. Castle went to get himself dressed for the day.

I left the oatmeal container on the counter beside her.

"Natalie, can you read that for me?"

"Read what?"

"The oatmeal container," I said, trying to test her ability slyly.

"Why do you need me to read it for you, Detective Beckett?" she countered.

"Just tell me the amount of oats in there."

She studied it for a second and her eyes narrowed in concentration, but her face started turning red. "It says 'fuck you!' I'm not reading this!" she threw the canister at me and took off running while the cannister bounced off the wall and showered the kitchen with oats. At least she missed me by a mile. Castle caught her and swooped her up off the floor.

"Natalie!" he cried. "There's no reason for language like that!"

She burst into tears.

"Beckett," Castle groaned. "What did you do to her?"

"I asked her to read the oat canister," I admitted.

"I can't read," Natalie sobbed. "Are you happy?"

"Not a big deal, Nat," Castle said, rubbing her back.

"I'm stupid, okay?" she continued. "Everybody makes fun of me at school."

"You're not stupid," Castle said. "I swear, you're not. There could be a lot of reasons you can't read. But that doesn't mean you're dumb. Beckett, don't ever try to trick her like that again!"

"I didn't!" I cried, feeling guilty, but not wanting to admit it.

"Apologize," he told me, rubbing Nat's back. I rolled my eyes, but he glare at me. " _Do it_ ," he mouthed.

"Natalie, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you." I muttered.

"We'll teach you to read," Castle said. "I bet you can already read a little bit already."

Her sobs died down. I got out the broom, my cheeks burning. I had secretly hoped she could read and Castle had just been letting his imagination run away with him. I hadn't meant to embarrass her. I didn't like Castle making long-term promises with her when this was only a short-term situation. This is why I couldn't foster a child at this age; I was not prepared for this.

"I bet you'd be a great reader if somebody sat down and taught you one-on-one," Castle continued. "But Natalie, we don't use language like that in this house."

 _Well, at least outside of sex_ , I thought.

"We're going to the precinct," he continued. "And we're going to find out where you're going to school today."

She groaned, disappointed and then snorted in a very unladylike manner. Probably, nobody had ever told her not to do that. He put her down and he wet down a paper towel to wipe her face off.

"This isn't your fault, okay? We're going to fix this. I'm taking personal responsibility for you learning how to read."

* * *

We took Nat back to the precinct and set her up with Castle's iPad and the games. And, if needed, a DVD or two, in the break room. I settle down at my desk to do some work.

"This morning?" I began with Castle, "that was a mess. This is why I can't be her foster mother."

"Just apologize and learn."

"I'll suck at this," I muttered, remembering the fights I got into with my parents over homework when I was a kid. How would I ever figure out how to do these kinds of things with her? "Homework… that's going to be so hard."

"We can teach her, we can do it together. She's smart, she just hasn't had a parent sit down and do homework with her before, I'm sure."

"I don't appreciate you making promises we can't keep with her. This is only a temporary thing, Castle."

He grimaced. "I can't help myself. I'll promise her those things because every kid deserves it. She's not throw-away. No kid is."

"But that's why she needs to be in the right foster home!"

"What are you talking about?" Castle asked. "If we can just curb her temper tantrums and the bad language she's learned, it'll be fine. She's bright, I know she is."

"No, it won't be fine," I said. "I didn't even realize I was embarrassing her so much until after I did that."

"You think I never made mistakes with Alexis?" he asked, stunned. "I made tons of mistakes with her. The trick is to apologize and move on. And make sure she knows you're sorry. And don't do it again."

"I can't do this," I whined.

"Then why do you want to have a baby?" Castle asked, point-blank.

"I... A baby of my own will be easier," I scoffed. "We'll be starting with a blank slate. She's not a blank slate, she's complicated and already a person."

"There's nothing easy about having a baby," Castle said. "You can encourage and nurture, but it's not easy. Not any easier than adopting a ten-year-old who needs a little extra attention. Both situations are hard."

"I'm not adopting her!" I hissed. "We can't! We're not even foster parents!"

Castle bristled for a moment. "I've never seen you so stubborn," he said. "I could see us adopting her. I can see how concerned and guilty you feel for not being able to help her in the way you want to see her helped."

"But I can't-"

"Yeah, we'll mess up, but if we do our best and rely on the community, maybe we can change the outlook of her life. You want a kid so badly, and there's one right here that needs us. Sometimes, we need to be the change we want to see in this world, Beckett. I'm surprised you're so scared of being a foster parent, like we're so inferior or something. She just need somebody to be passionate about her in the right way."

I shook my head, although his words were convincing a small part of me. "I can't say yes to adopting her, that's a big commitment. But… I'll foster her for now. Until we can make sure..."

"I'm proud of you," Castle said, kissing me on the cheek. "We'll get some things for her tonight after work, okay?"

He got up and went to check on Nat. I picked up my cell phone and dialed her social worker.

"Hello?"

"Hi, it's Kate Beckett with the NYPD," I said. "My husband and I took Natalie Holcomb in last night when we found her at a crime scene."

"Oh! Yes!" she cried.

"We'd like to keep her our custody for a while," I said. "Just until we can find a better foster home for her than the one she was in."

"Oh, that's great news!" She sounded relieved. "I'll email you the paperwork and you can get her enrolled in school tomorrow in your area. Keeping her in police custody is better than any other alternative I have right now."

* * *

It was 4:45 and I had gotten about ten pages of paperwork to fill out and an electronic file full of documents about Natalie, like a copy of her birth certificate, her social security number, some medical files, and a list of things. She had entered the foster care system at age five, when she was placed with an aunt, who eventually gave her back when she couldn't afford to keep her. I found out that her mother had died when she was four (when I looked up her name, Julie Holcomb, it said that she had died of a staph infection in the Bronx) and her mother hadn't named a father on Natalie's birth certificate. I myself didn't have siblings, but I'd have never put a niece or nephew of mine into the system under any circumstances.

We were heading out to go to Target for her for supplies and clothes that actually fit her once work was over. She was watching TV with Esposito in the breakroom while he was working. I was thankful she'd have school tomorrow and we wouldn't be stuck entertaining her.

"Detective Beckett, Mr. Castle?" Gates asked. "Can I see you in my office?"

I glanced at Castle, and we stood up.

Gates shut the door. "I had a conversation with Miss Natalie today in the breakroom," she began. "She told me that you two were going to foster her for a while. How long?"

I glanced at Castle. "I don't know, sir, maybe a month?"

"Or two. Maybe a year," Castle interjected. "We don't know yet."

"She says you're going to take her shopping after you get off from work?"

"Yes, sir," I said. "It just makes sense. She doesn't have a lot of her own things and she needs them."

"May I make a suggestion, as a former foster parent?"

I felt my eyebrows raise. "You were a foster parent?"

"When I was younger and raising my own kids," she said. "Yes. Where do you think I learned how to run a precinct?"

I found myself smirking, unintentionally.

"Don't give her everything she wants. I know the two of you lead a wealthy lifestyle, and it just seems like she needs things she's never gotten to feel loved, but it will only make it harder for her if she goes to another foster home. Don't try to spoil her, just give her the basic necessities. The only thing you need to spoil her with is attention and love."

"We plan on that," Castle said.

"She needs that more than anything. Giving her too many things right off the bat that she doesn't need is a recipe for disaster. Discipline and a regular schedule is what she craves, even if she doesn't know it."

I nodded, trying to take this all in. I wasn't even sure all that I needed to do, what was expected of me as a foster parent. How did you show a kid that just showed up on your doorstep that you cared about her without it being about material things? What was a basic necessity these days and what wasn't? I wasn't sure.

"Thank you, sir," Castle answered for us.

"And here's my cell phone number," she said. "You can call me any time of the day or night with an emergency."

* * *

We took a trip to Target with Natalie that evening. Her questions were endless. Castle kept on telling me that she needed things like a tutu and an iPod Shuffle and a tiara and put them on the list. I crossed them out; she was too old for tutus and tiaras, and I was afraid she'd get the Shuffle stolen in her next foster home, if Gates was correct.

When we arrived at the store, I decided that we needed to take her shopping for clothes, but it would be best if it were just me taking her clothes shopping, not Castle. I sent him for the rest of the list.

The first thing Nat and I did was load up the cart with what we thought was her size in jeans, t-shirts, and sweaters. We were limited to ten items in the dressing room, but I sat dutifully outside the room with the rest of the clothes and she took in the items.

"I'm not used to getting brand-new stuff," she said behind the door. "I've always worn Salvation Army and donations. This is so cool!"

I didn't think Target was so great, personally. But she came out of the dressing room, beaming, wearing a pair of jeans and One Direction t-shirt. I realized I was kind of spoiling her with material possessions right now.

"I love One Direction!" she squealed.

"Then we'll get it," I said. "Do you like Selena Gomez?"

"Yeah!" she cried, taking a t-shirt with Selena's face on it. "And Demi Lovato, too! I don't like Miley Cyrus, though."

"Me neither," I agreed.

Before I knew it, she had tried on so many clothes, the "buy" choices were in a pile in my lap and Castle had come back. It was tempting to give her everything, to see the joy on her face, but I went through the cart and picked out items that were unnecessary, like Gates had told us. Castle argued with me with every piece I took out.

"We're not getting her a Hello Kitty alarm clock," I said, glowering, holding up the shiny pink plastic contraption.

"She'll need something to wake up with!"

"She'll have one at her next foster home, but not as a novelty toy," I said. I thought of something else. "How is she going to transport all this stuff, too? I doubt she has a suitcase of her own. Can you go get one for her? And don't make it too flashy, alright?"

She bounded out of the dressing room wearing a Katy Perry t-shirt, grinning. "Look! Katy Perry!" she cried, pointing at the shirt.

"You look great!" Castle said. She beamed in response.

Castle came back with a pink suitcase for her, which made me wince, but he told me that he could have chosen the Hello Kitty suitcase with rhinestones, but didn't, so I let it slide. When we got to checkout, the total tab was over $700. I almost did a spit-take. It seemed counterintuitive to what we had been told to do by Gates. I had been told we'd get a $20 a day check for her expenses from the state, but that was supposed to cover food and travel expenses, not just clothes. Her last foster mother was a complete fraud for dumping her in a condemnable slum of an apartment building and taking the check. She was so excited when she came home with all the items from Target, though. I helped her take all the tags off and fold them to put into the drawers in her room. "You haven't started your period yet, have you?" I asked.

"No," she said.

"And you haven't gotten your first bra yet, either, right?"

She shook her head, kneeled down in the closet, lining up her three new pairs of shoes. "Nope."

"We'll go shopping for that tomorrow," I offered. "If you want. When I get off from work."

"Yeah! I want to go!" she cried. "I want a bra, finally!"

"Okay, it's a date." I knelt down to her level. "Nat, I need to apologize for this morning. I'm sorry."

"You are?" she asked, surprised.

"Yes, I am. I'll never test you like that again, okay?"

"Okay."

"We're going to have dinner in a minute, so wash your hands and come downstairs," I said.

"In a minute," she said. "I've got to pick out an outfit for dinner."

Downstairs, I helped with making the salad while Castle finished up the roasted chicken; we had invited Alexis, Dad, and Martha over to break the news that we were fostering a child. The beans and broccoli were still in the oven.

"Do you think we actually spoiled her today?" I asked.

"It's just new clothes," Castle wrote it off. "She'll get over the thrill."

"I don't want her thinking that we're a bank for her," I said. "That she can get whatever she wants as long we're her guardians."

"We won't. She needed clothes that fit, not hand-me-downs. And shoes without holes in them. Although I wish you had let me buy her the iPod Shuffle."

"She's ten. She doesn't need that."

There was a knock at the door. "Katie?" It was my father.

"Hi, Dad," I said, going to the foyer. He had brought a brand-new Barbie in the package.

"I didn't know what to bring her," he said sheepishly. She seemed almost too old for Barbies, but didn't say anything. "What's her name?"

"Natalie. But she goes by Nat."

"I've got a bad feeling about this Katie. You don't know what you're inheriting with an adopted child."

"Dad, let's not pass judgment on her just yet," I said. I didn't want to let him know that she had failed to learn how to read so far and was almost ten. "She's got a lot of questions, so don't let those put you out. She's just very curious."

"I'm ready!" Nat called from the top of the stairs. She came down in her light-up sneakers and the Katy Perry t-shirt. She paused when she saw my dad.

"Hi," he said. "I'm Katie's dad."

"Hi," she replied.

"You must be Natalie," he said.

"It's Nat. Just Nat."

"It's nice to meet you, Nat."

"I think we need some help with setting the table, can you help?" I asked her.

Nat went to the kitchen to take the stack of plates Castle had set out and set the table. She didn't quite know which side of the plate to put the forks on, I noticed. Dad quizzed her and asked her questions, but she nervously gave one-word answers. Martha arrived, and gushed over Nat, and then I got a text from Alexis; she was bringing Chase. Ugh. A few minutes later, the door opened and Alexis announced herself. "I'm here with Chase!" she called out.

"Hi, honey!" Castle cried, going into the foyer to greet her. A moment later, he brought her into th room and introduced Nat to her.

"It's nice to meet you, Nat," Alexis said. "This is my boyfriend, Chase."

"Hi," he said in that Australian lilt.

"Are you from another country?" Nat asked. "Are you Mr. Castle's daughter? Does this make us sisters?"

Alexis was a little startled by being asked this. "I guess so."

"Dinner's ready," Castle said, opening the oven and getting out the chickens.

Dad and Martha peppered Nat with more questions, and after dinner he gave her the Barbie, which she thanked him for. Chase just acted like this was above him, but Alexis didn't notice. She braided Nat's hair after dinner and promised to paint her nails next time she came over. They left, and Martha said she'd call Castle tomorrow and they could talk in private. I had the feeling she had the same misgivings when it came to foster children that my father did.

"Time for a shower," I said, rinsing the plates in the snk before putting them in the dishwasher.

"I have to shower every night?" she repeated, surprised.

"Surprise. We like cleanliness around here," Castle said. "Go. We expect you to be in bed by nine. You've got a big day tomorrow with school."

"School?" she whined, frowning.

"Yes, school," I said.

"We'll be up to read to you and say good night," Castle said.

She scampered up the stairs.

"Do you think she's had foster parents that don't care if she showers?" I asked, incredulously.

"It seems like it. I don't know, that last apartment you were told was where she lived… if that's what she lived in, it's not a surprise."

"I hate that kids are in this system and it sucks so bad," I muttered, closing the dishwasher. "Where are the people that care? That can adopt them or give them a stable home until they get adopted?" I had the answer; they were sticking to having their own kids because they felt unprepared for parenting a possible unknown. I hoped I wasn't in over my head with Nat. I wanted good things for her, but I doubted myself and my ability to raise her, even if only for a short time.


	5. One Last Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Beckett and Castle end up taking Natalie home for police protection.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer- I still don't own Castle, Andrew Marlowe does, and I don't want him to sue me for playing in his sandbox.

I woke Natalie up the next morning. We had let her hair air-dry after reading a few more chapters of _Bunnicula_  to her, and the ringlets were back. She had slept with the Barbie in her bed that night, too.

She got Katy Perry t-shirt out of the hamper to wear to her first day at her new school here in Manhattan.

"Can I put this on today?" she asked.

"If it makes you feel good at your new school, I'd say wear it," I told her.

"Okay, I will!"

I went downstairs and found Castle making omelets. He was dressed and ready to take her in to her new school, as was the plan. He'd join me at the precinct later. Nat came downstairs with her new backpack and dressed in her new favorite t-shirt.

"I wasn't sure if I'd wear this or the One Direction shirt," she said, her voice still gravelly from sleep. "But I didn't get to wear it very long last night, so I think it's okay."

"Do you know how to do laundry?" I asked her.

"I've done it before," she admitted. I wondered how good she was at it as Castle slid the omelet across the table towards her with a glass of OJ. She took a bite and nodded. Good, she liked omelets.

I said good-bye to them and showed up at the Precinct. We had a few new leads waiting on us to interview; Savage had been spotted in the Bronx, finally. I sent a text message to Castle that I was going to follow up on the lead. I had to be careful not to flash my gun or my badge; people up here, if they were anything like what Nat said, had no reason to trust the police.

On my way up to the Bronx, I got a text from Castle that Nat had been checked into the school and he had given my name and his as her guardians, and everything was okay. They were going to have a guidance counselor test her for learning disabilities, too.

I canvassed the area with a picture of Savage, asking if they had seen him, trying to look less like a cop and more like some average person with Espo and Ryan.

I got a text from Ryan that someone in a deli was willing to talk, but he didn't want to go to the back room alone with him. I found the deli, where Espo already was waiting with Ryan. A group of guys with an armload of tattoos, including a few from the rival gang, were waiting, eyeballing us. When I arrived, one of them nodded towards the backroom door. I followed my partners into a small breakroom.

"We're here about the murder of Jerry Curtis," Esposito said. "What do y'all know about it?"

"Jerry wasn't just anybody," one of the men said. "He had a New Jersey driver's license, you know. He could drive. Their gang, the X-change, they're dabbling in transporting krok into the States."

My eyebrows raised. Krokodil was a new replacement heroin manufactured in Russia when Putin cut off the heroin to the region and failed to instill any social programs to help the addicts recover. There weren't that many cases of krok dependency in the US so far, heroin was still available on the black market.

"This isn't good," Espo said.

"We know. We don't want krok in our territory. They'll have the sole supply."

"And you can't compete?" Ryan asked.

"I didn't say that," he snarled. He didn't want to incriminate himself anymore than he already had. "But they're trying to diversify their interests. We managed to grab J-dawg and... change his mind last week."

"Is that why he got killed?" I asked.

"Exactly why he got killed. He turned. Word on the streets is that the little girl saw it happen."

* * *

We had motive now, but we had no idea where Savage was. He was mostly the one in charge of the gang, and they were making a move on New York with krok.

I met Castle back at the precinct after calling him with the news.

"Does this mean that we need to worry about Natalie?" he asked as the elevator doors opened.

"Yes," I said. "She's the key witness here. She positively identified him at the crime scene. She saw him leaving. We make or break the case on her. If we could just find him."

"Leads?"

"We lost our lead in the first 48 hours. I doubt he's still in the tri-state area any longer."

"I need to see Esposito, Ryan, Beckett and Castle in my office," Gates said. It felt like I was going into the principal's office in school.

In Gates' office, she shut the door. "I need an update on what's going on the with the Curtis murder."

"It looks like he's left the area," Ryan spoke up for us all, "but the rival gang said that they were trying to move krok into the area. Jerry turned on them, and that's why he got killed."

"And they said that they knew Nat saw him," Esposito said.

Gates moaned softly at the news. "I'm getting Vice and Narc involved. And Beckett and Castle, you're off the case."

"What?" I spluttered. "You can't-"

"You're too involved with Natalie. What I need from the two of you is the protect our key witness."

* * *

The meeting was frustrating; I was off the case now, but they promised to keep us updated as much as possible. I was frustrated, but this let me focus more on Natalie and keeping her safe. We got the call at around one that Nat's LD testing had come back and it needed our attention. I was drowning in paperwork, so we took a break from it and went to the school to meet the guidance counselor who had tested her.

We arrived and I had to leave my guns in the car.

"You're here for Natalie Holcomb?" the secretary asked as we entered the office.

"Yes, we're her temporary guardians," Castle said, getting out his license. I got mine out, too. She checked them and gave us passes. A moment later, the guidance counselor came in to get us.

"The good news is, she's got reading comprehension at a fifth grade level as long as I'm reading to her, but she reads at maybe a first grade level when I put a piece of paper in front of her. Her attention span is pretty good, but she doesn't like to focus if she's bored. Her math skills very incredibly weak, too."

"Let's break it down," Castle said. "Where do her math and reading levels truly lie?"

"Second grade, at most."

Castle and I both sighed. "We've got our work cut out for us," Castle said to me. "How do we work with her to bring her up to her grade level?"

"I'd suggest putting her into remedial classes and having evening tutoring. I think you need to attend her tutoring sessions as well to work with her outside of school. It's going to take time."

"I think I can do that," Castle said, looking at me.

"I'm willing to give it a try, too," I admitted.

"Another thing," she said. "I think Natalie needs glasses."

Castle and I exchanged glances. "You think so?" he asked.

"She squints, she doesn't participate, she complained of a headache. I think it's because her vision is bad."

The bell rang.

"The good news is, it's not dyslexia or a related disorder, just vision failure. I've got to help with the dismissal, but it's been nice to meet the two of you."

"You as well," Castle said.

We got up and followed them out of the office to wait on Natalie. She was brought out with her class to the front, and she waved when she saw us, but she looked a little sad. When we presented our IDs to the teacher/monitor, she was released to us.

"How was your day?" Castle asked, picking her up to hug her.

"It was okay," she muttered.

"Not great?"

She shrugged.

"You didn't have a good day?" I asked.

"I told you, I suck at school."

"We don't like that word," Castle told her.

"School?" she asked, smirking.

"No, you know which word," he said. "What do you want for dinner?"

"Pizza."

"Too bad, we're having spaghetti bolognese."

"What is it?"

"It's Italian," I said.

"And, more news: we need to take you to the eye doctor, too."

"Why?"

"There's a possibility you need glasses," I said.

* * *

After dinner, we sat down and started on her homework. It irritated me that she had been promoted so high in school when her teachers and foster parents hadn't done their jobs. "What are you guys doing?" she asked, as we got out her bookbag, looking terrified.

"We're going to help you with your homework," I explained.

She looked at me as if I were crazy. I knew I'd need patience for this and I'd be relying heavily on Castle: he knew how to teach better than I did.

We started off with reading the work aloud to her and then let her answer the study questions verbally. She, surprisingly, absorbed most of the content we read to her. Then, we helped her spell out and write the sentences. She had really bad handwriting, but she did it, her face close to the paper as she wrote. It took us almost two hours (and we took a few breaks when she started getting frustrated), but we got her homework done, finally and there was no screaming or tears or arguments. I got a sense of pride from her. We sent her upstairs to take a shower and promised to meet her for a few more chapters of  _Bunnicula_  before she fell asleep.

"I can't believe she did so well," I said as we rinsed the dinner dishes for the dishwasher. "She is a smart kid, she just needs some guidance."

"Are you feeling any better about taking her in?" he asked.

I thought about it. "Yeah, actually. I really am."

Upstairs, I heard the water turn off. She was out of the shower now, getting ready for bed. A moment later, she came down with her hair wet again, and I tried to comb it out. "How would you feel about a haircut?" I asked.

She gasped. "No!" she cried.

"I'm just talking about a trim to get the damage off. Like this much," I said, holding up about three inches.

"Oh. I can do that," she said, sounding relieved.

"What's up? Are you afraid of haircuts?"

"My first time in a foster home, my foster mother cut my hair short. I didn't want it, but she did it anyway because she didn't want to brush it. She was mean."

"How many good foster parents have you had?"

"Three. Including you and Mr. Castle."

I sighed. What a mouthful. And so impersonal for her to call us by our titles. "Why don't you call us Kate and Rick?" I asked, carefully combing out the damaged ends of a lock, holding it so it didn't pull in her scalp.

"Okay," she finally muttered. "You're okay with that? I won't get in trouble?"

"No, not at all."

"Okay… Kate. But your Dad calls you Katie and Mr. Castle calls you Beckett-"

"It's just Kate," I said gently.

After I did a little bit of blow-drying her roots and towel-drying the ends, I took her upstairs to get to bed. We read a few more chapters of  _Bunnicula_  before kissing her good-night.

For a moment, we felt like a real family. And then, I thought about how I had agreed that this was temporary. I had an appointment with the fertility specialist on Friday to get more FSH and start the IVF treatment again. Castle and I had plans, still. I wasn't sure where she fit into that.

* * *

I started FSH treatments again, with the appointment for egg harvesting at the end of the month. The spring weather seemed to be mocking my aches and pains when my period came. We got Nat to the ophthalmologist, and she did indeed have vision loss. We got her in some glasses, and she started reading better when we did her homework with her. She came out of the school a few days later with a giant grin plastered on her face.

"I got my homework back!" she cried. "I got an A on it! I did it! It was great day at school!"

She came home from the bookfair, where we bought her a book, a chapter book a few days later. She finished the first chapter at school, surprisingly; it was  _Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone_. We were so proud of her when she finished the book in two weeks, reading it aloud to us at night, and gave a book report to her class, which she made an A on. "Congratulations, Nat, you're a reader!" Castle said to her. Alexis came over and we took our two daughters out for pizza.

"I think I'm breaking up with Chase," she admitted as we played ski ball at Chuck E. Cheese. Nat and Castle emerged from the prize booth and she had her very own Harry Potter wand that lit up at the end. She was so proud of herself, she was waving it around saying " _Wingardium Leviosa_!" and pointing it at things and giggling.

My phone alarm went off. "Shit. I've gotta get home and get my shot," I muttered, checking my watch. It was nine o'clock already.

"You're doing FSH again?" Alexis asked. "Come on, Kate, is it really that healthy for you?"

I shrugged. "We made up our minds. We're going to keep doing this until I go into menopause or get a baby, whichever one comes first."

"Well, aren't you happy with Nat?" she asked.

"This thing with Natalie isn't permanent," I said. "I can't treat it like that."  
"But maybe you should," Alexis said. "She's so different from a few weeks of good parenting. Do you really think new parents would continue to do what you've done for her?"

I watched my foster daughter and husband. He had a Chuck E. Cheese employee taking pictures of Nat pointing the wand at him and him jumping in the air looking surprised, the employee taking 'Vadering' shots so it would look like he was floating in the picture.

I wondered how happy I could be if I just accepted being barren and not doing anything to help it from here on out. No, I had to try. One last time.


	6. You Don't Know What You Have (Until You Lose it)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kate and Castle take Alexis and Natalie to the Hamptons, only to realize the Savage Gang can reach far beyond the city.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer- I still don't own Castle, Andrew Marlowe does, and I don't want him to sue me for playing in his sandbox.

This Friday was the last day before spring break for Natalie. We had agreed to take her to the Hamptons for a vacation. She had never quite been out of the New York/New Jersey area. Gates had worked with child protective services; so far, it was best that she was in police custody, technically, until we broke a fresh lead the Jerry Curtis murder case, which had gone cold. There were rumors flying between the gangs that Savage's drug ring wanted to catch Nat and keep her away from the witness stand. We didn't tell Natalie that, it would have terrified her.

Alexis decided to come with us to the Hamptons for spring break, although I knew she'd be circulating more with her friends, and Castle and I would be the ones that had to entertain Nat.

At 4:55, I got pulled aside by a detective from Vice.

"Savage has been seen in the Bronx," he informed me. "Take that little girl and get her out of here for a while."

"Perfect timing," I said. "Castle and I are taking her to the beach for spring break."

"Keep it quiet. And don't show her off, alright?"

"Alright," I said.

That night, I did the pre-check in with my fertility specialist; they were extracting my eggs tomorrow morning from the FSH treatments, Castle would give his sample, they'd put the fertilized eggs into me, and then we were going to Hamptons for the week, to come back to a pregnancy test. I hoped it took.

I went through the pre-surgerical tests and questions, and then my doctor came in to see me one last time before tomorrow.

"We went over your blood work, and everything looks fine," he began. "But, we checked your AMH levels again, Kate."

My heart dropped into my stomach. My AMH level were my Anti-Mullerian Hormones, the ones that determined my 'ovarian reserve' so to speak. He was speaking soft and in a low voice to me and I felt light-headed suddenly.

"We found them level dangerously low at 1.2. It was right a 2.0 when you started your last round of FSH, but this ... When it falls below 2.0, you know that it means it's low, and when it drops under 1 and becomes undetectable, and it's too late."

I felt the nervous and hysterical tears fighting their way out.

"What does this mean?" Castle asked. "Are we going to go ahead with the egg harvesting?"

"This means that things aren't optimal, but we'll go ahead and try, but we can't guarantee results."

Well, that was good news, wasn't it? But this was my last chance. I didn't want donor eggs or a surrogate carrying Castle's baby that we'd adopt. That seemed like a nightmare. It wouldn't be part me. It would be some other woman.

It was a mix of relief and stabs of fear that sleepless night. We put Natalie down for the night after starting a new book, and I craved red wine to calm myself down, but I was fasting until surgery tomorrow.

"This might be our last chance," I said to Castle. "I hope this is it. I hope we get a good number of eggs and we can keep trying…"

"Maybe this is the universe trying to tell us that maybe kids aren't in the cards, Beckett," Castle said, sitting down next to me on the couch. I shivered. It couldn't be.

The surgery went well, but they only managed to extract four eggs. They almost immediately placed two eggs inside my uterus before I was quite out from under the anesthesia, (they were placing two eggs in me at a time, hoping they'd take) and then told me there were only 2 other eggs waiting. I shivered at the news. My body wasn't doing what I wanted it to.

I road to the Hamptons in the front passenger seat with the seat leaned back so I could relax on the ride that afternoon. We arrived and Natalie immediately wanted to go to the beach. Castle took a chair down for me so that I didn't have to carry much, and I sat on the beach, watching as she and Castle skipped shells across the weak beach waves. I almost fell asleep, but I heard Natalie screaming, "I can't swim!"

I opened my eyes to see Castle holding her, swinging her around like he was going to toss her in.

"I was just kidding," Castle said, putting her down, her feet in the water. She was genuinely crying. "I'd never toss you into the water like that."

"It's not that hard," Alexis said. "I'll teach you. We can try in the pool, first."

"I'll save you if you start to drown," Castle offered as she walked away, wiping her tears. "Natalie, come on, I'd never do that to you!"

She came up to where I was sitting and sat down, a sob choking out of her throat.

"Are you okay?" I asked.

She shook her head and snorted her runny nose. "No. Rick was going to throw me in. And I told him to stop."

"Rick doesn't always get it when we tell him to stop joking around," I explained. "He does that kind of stuff to me, too. Men are like that, sometimes, you gotta spell it out for them."

She nodded, wiping her nose with her hoodie's sleeve.

"I can tell he's sorry. He'll say it soon enough."

"He didn't stop until I told him I couldn't swim," she sniffled. "I'm too old to not be able to swim."

"You're a New Yorker," I scoffed. "Of course you don't know how to swim, it's okay. You can learn. You learned how to read…"

She climbed into my lap and I held her for a few minutes until she stopped crying.

* * *

That night, while Alexis was making dinner (and giving us a break) we played Wii bowling with Natalie in the living room. Natalie got upset and went upstairs for a moment. I felt like she needed a moment to calm down, so we gave it to her.

Once dinner was ready, I went upstairs to check on her, and I found her room empty. The door was shut to the bathroom, and I saw the light was on. I knocked on it. "Nat, honey, dinner's ready."

"I'm not coming down!" she shouted.

I remembered how everything was a trauma at that age. "Do you want us to save some for you?" I asked.

There was no response.

"Natalie?"

"I started my period!"

"What?"

"My period! I'm bleeding everywhere! It's gross!"

My heart melted. No wonder she was so dramatic at the beach earlier today. And then, I panicked; we didn't have any pads here at the Hamptons. I wondered if Alexis had any. "I'll be right back, okay?"

"Don't tell everybody!" she begged through the door. "Please!"

"I'll be discreet," I promised. I ran downstairs and found Alexis in the kitchen, making the salad. "Please tell me you have a pad."

"Why? What's going on?"

"Natalie just got her first period."

"Oh, God, you're kidding!" Alexis said, looked disgusted. "No, I don't have any. Wow, that's awful to start it the first day of your spring break."

"Keep it quiet," I said, running back upstairs. I got a washcloth from my own bathroom and knocked on the door. "Nat?"

"Come in!"

I opened the door, and she was sitting on the side of the bathtub. "Here. Use this. In the mean time, I'm going to the drug store."

Oh, the joys of raising a teenage girl. It had officially started, she wasn't a little girl anymore. No wonder she was so moody on the beach.

* * *

"She started period, didn't she?" Castle asked as we pulled the covers back on our bed.

"Yeah, she did. How'd you know?"

"I remember this when Alexis was eleven, so moody for days at a time. And then, my mother approached me and told me."

"Oh, she called your mother?"

"No, actually, she had had for months, but never told me. I was dreading it, but it wasn't a problem. It was kind of a let-down when I thought about it."

"She knew what to do?"

"Yes. Sex Ed at Greenwood Day was really, really good, I guess."

"I had no idea what to do. I had heard all these rumors and horror stories about getting it, and then, it happened and my mom was there for me. We had a special girl's weekend at the cabin in Vermont, and she was like, 'this is a great thing! You're a woman now, Katie!' and I was so embarrassed. I just wanted it to be over. It hurt like hell and I wanted to die those first few days."

We both chuckled, but I didn't realize what a big deal it was for a mother to see her daughter pass the mark into womanhood. My first period being so painful had been an indicator that I had endometriosis, according to the OB GYN that had diagnosed me. So little was known about the cause of endometriosis, asides from genetics. And then, Nat was getting her period at a really young age, too.

"I hope Natalie doesn't get endometriosis," I said.

"That's random."

"No, it's really not. The signs were there when I was really young, like Natalie is. And now, we're waiting on an IVF to result in a positive pregnancy, and it just feels like..." For once, I couldn't describe the emotion I was feeling. It hurt, but it was like a weight on my chest. Maybe I was getting heartbroken, but I couldn't decide for what. "I can't describe it, sometimes, Castle. It feels like realizing I'm about to lose my ability to ever have children is going to change who I've always been."

"Sometimes… I've noticed... there's not always an easy answer," he sighed. "I love you. No matter what happens with this IVF. That will never change."

* * *

Natalie and Alexis had stayed up to watch  _the Night of the Living Dead_  together eating pop corn and painting each other's toe nails, so we let them sleep in. Castle left the house to writing in a local cafe he loved, and promised to check in with me as Alexis and I made the day special for Nat.

When they woke up, I took them to the Pancake Shack and we had brunch, where she ordered the stuffed french toast.

"You're not going to tell the waiter I got my period, are you?" she whispered.

"No!" I cried, almost laughing. "Why would I do that?"

"I don't know. You rich people are into announcing everything. People sing to you on your birthdays and stuff, why wouldn't they announce it and sing to me here? I don't want that!"

"I know, but today is a girls-only thing, I wouldn't share that with everybody else."

"Oh. I didn't think it was."

"This is a big deal, Natalie! And we're going to make the best of it."

"I think we should go shopping," Alexis suggested. I had avoided taking her shopping for thing she didn't need to follow Gates' advice. "There's a store I love just a few blocks from here over by the beach."

"Do you want to go, Nat?" I asked.

Natalie shrugged. "I guess," she said glumly.

We finished our late breakfast and went down to the store Alexis was talking about; it was called Aviary. There were a lot of little knick-knack hipster-type presents all around. We looked around at some of the clothes, and Alexis just went crazy picking stuff out in her own size. It wasn't quite as professional as my style, and even though the clothes were small (and included double-zero sizes) they were too big for Nat in general.

"Just let me try these on, I'll be quick about it, and then we can go!" Alexis promised.

"Alright," I said. Nat and I looked around at the knick knacks around the store. There were cute little owls made of wood all over.

"What's this one?" Nat asked, pointing to a bird made of light weight woods.

It wasn't an owl. "I think... I think that's…" I frowned. "Why don't we ask?"

"That's a striped cuckoo," the sales girl said.

"Oh," Nat and I said together.

Alexis popped out in a dress that was a muted, soft maroon with patterned flowers on it. "What do you think?" she asked excitedly.

"I don't know," Nat muttered.

"It's cute on you," I noted. "Everything cute on you anyway."

She put her hands on her hips and twisted around to look at herself in the mirror. "I'm really liking this dress," she noted. "I'll try something else and be quick!"

"You've heard of cuckoo clocks, right?" I asked Nat.

"Yeah, I just don't know what they look like."

I looked up Cuckoos on my iPhone. "This says the cuckoo is known for being brood parasitism."

"What's that mean?"

"That means it uses the brood to survive. The mother bird lays her egg in another bird's nest and then abandons it. The other bird, it feeds it like it feeds her own babies and raises it as her own."

"That bird sounds like an asshole."

"Natalie!" I cried, trying not to laugh at her foul language.

"But you're laughing," she said, a sneaky smile on her face.

"It's a bad word, Nat," I said, trying to be stern.

"I didn't know!"

"The hell you didn't know!" I teased. "You did, too."

"Here's the next one," Alexis said, popping out of the dressing room in a blue dress this time.

"Yay or nay, Nat?"

"Yay," Nat muttered, unenthused.

Alexis picked out dresses to buy from the ones we tried on and I offered to buy one for her. We were checking out when Natalie asked me for another pad to change into. She wanted to check and see if she needed a new one. I slipped it into her hand before went to the restroom.

"Is Natalie ready?" Alexis asked, taking the shopping sack from the saleslady.

I glanced around the shop, hoping Natalie was just enthralled in something she found fascinating since coming back from the restroom, but she was gone.

"Natalie?" I asked, going to the restroom area. I knocked on the door, but another salesgirl came out.

"The little girl left with her father," the salesgirl said. I blanked. Castle was at the cafe, writing. "A man with a mermaid tattoo on his arm? He brought her out of the restroom."

I gasped and immediately pulled my gun out of my purse and took off after him. "Natalie!" I shouted. I saw her being pulled along by a man who looked a lot like the Gabriel Savage type gang member. She looked terrified, but she was at least fifty yards away. "Police!" I shouted. "Let her go!"

He saw me, but grabbed her and whirled around a corner with her. I took off in a run, elbowing and shoving innocent people. I saw him with Natalie thrown over his shoulder, running down the alley behind a restaurant.  _So much for taking it easy after IVF,_  I thought. I made the choice; I pursued them.

He took off towards the dock, and I saw it; a little boat waiting with someone watching under the dock. They were going to take off by boat, in broad daylight, and take off with Natalie. They'd either kill her to keep her quiet or bury her in a child sex ring where she'd never be heard from again.

"Stop or I'll shoot!" I shouted. He didn't slow down. My legs had to be like pistons running after him, he had a lead on me. I pretty much had to leap off the dock, where he was wading into the water, but had Natalie in the boat with the other man, and she looked terrified. I just barely dodged the bullet from his gun as he shot at me, ducking behind a post holding up the pier.

"Kate!" Natalie shouted.

He had terrible aim, but he almost grazed my arm. I could feel the heat and hear the whistle of the bullet whiz by my head.

"Natalie, get down!" I shouted. I took a semi-blind shot, focused at his head, and ducked back behind the post. I heard big something splash into the water, and I knew I had hit him. I took a semi-blind shot again, and the other man was flung backwards.

I ran towards Natalie, who was still in the boat. I sloshed through the water and scooped her up into my arms, only to see the second man sit up from the tide, blood streaming into the water, his eyes focused on me, and he was lifting something- I dropped Natalie, and emptied the magazine of my gun into his chest.

After all that gunfire, I could hardly hear anything, asides from the screaming of the people on the beach. "Natalie!" I cried, reaching for her. I saw blood all over my arms, and she stood up. Her legs were coated in menstrual blood, but I picked her up and squeezed her to me. "Are you alright?"

She nodded, tears streaming down her cheeks. "I lost my glasses," she whispered. I pressed my forehead to hers.

"It's alright now," I whispered. "I promise."

"Ma'am! Ma'am, put the child down-"

I turned my head to see a man in a black police uniform, aiming a gun in my direction.

"What the hell are you doing?" I shouted. "This is a child! You're pointing a gun at a child, for Christ's Sakes!"

He lowered the gun.

Small town cops. Ugh.

"This is my daughter!" I shouted.

"You just discharged weapon in the city limits!"

"I'm a cop, I know my gun rights! And if you counted, I discharged all the bullets, including the one in the spout!" I snapped. "Those men were trying to take her!"

* * *

Today's big fiasco with the Savage gang trying to kidnap Nat was enough excitement for one day. I covered Natalie up in my windbreaker to cover up the blood and we called Castle to give a statement. Once they had our story checked out and they called the county's medical examiner, we took Natalie home for a bath and a nap. Someone had found her glasses, and they hadn't broken from the fall. She was pretty shaken at what she saw. I took her upstairs and gave her a bath. This was the first time she ever let me see her naked, and I saw a few scars that looked like she had had stitches at one time as she got into the bathtub. I scrubbed her back then washed her hair as she sobbed quietly in the tub.

"Kate, I really thought they were going to take me," she said.

"I know, baby," I said softly. "I wouldn't let them. Ever."

She took the washcloth from me with shaking hands and continued to wash herself off in the places she could reach. "I don't want to go back to foster care," she said. "I want to live with you and Rick. Not because you have nice houses and things, but because you guys actually like me and are nice to me."

"That's a long shot," I said softly. "Rick and I aren't foster parents, even."

"I'll be good," she promised. "I won't say words like bitch or asshole again."

"You just did," I said. The edges of her lips almost flickered up. "Why is it scaring you now, unlike when Jerry died?"

"I wasn't there. But I heard the gunshots."

"Wasn't that scary enough?"

She shook her head. "I hear gunshots all the time. But someone taking you, picking you up and running away. I was afraid you wouldn't come after me. You'd let him take me away from you and nobody would care."

"We care," I said. "Of course we care."

"I thought they'd kill you."

"Oh honey… that's my job. I'm used to people shooting at me. I've been shot, you know."

"You have?"

"Mmm-hmm," I said, getting the wide-toothed comb from the counter. I began to comb her hair out, which was easier since I had taken her for a haircut last week. "Are you done?"

"Yeah."

I got a giant bath towel out and held it up. "Okay, let's get you out of there quickly. You know taking baths while on your period can be bad."

"Where'd you learn that?"

"My mother."

"And she's dead?"

"Yes. A long time ago. I learned a lot from my mom."

"I want you to be my mom. Do you want to be?"

I had never anticipated being asked point-blank by Nat if she wanted me to be her mother. I wasn't sure of that answer myself. Adopting a child from the foster care system was difficult if you had never been a foster parent. And private adoptions were expensive. It would take years before we could actually take Nat as a daughter. But I wasn't sure, suddenly. Was it possible? "I think… I think we've just got to take this as it comes."

I toweled her off and turned my back as she put on her panties and a fresh pad. I dressed her in her pajamas and took her to bed, putting a fresh towel under her hips just in case she bled through.

Personally, I was still covered in dried salt water, although I had rinsed off Nat's blood and changed tops.

"She's in bed," I told Castle. "She's pretty shaken."

"I would expect it. Ryan and Espo called for you. Gates, too."

I took a deep breath and collapsed on the couch. "They tried to run away with her. Just take her when I had my back turned. They know. Gabriel Savage knows she saw him and he wants her silenced."

The nervous sensation in my stomach, mixed with adrenalin, made me shaky. How could Nat not be scarred from all that she saw? Not just the two men I killed to save her life, but being around gunshots, gang members? I wouldn't be surprised if she had already seen people doing drugs, gang initiations, other girls being raped, and the possibility that she had been raped or molested already still bothered me. Child Protective Services may never had any clue who her father was, her mother may have been homeless and slightly crazy to have allowed her staph infection to kill her, Natalie may be behind in school, but that didn't make her disposable. No child was. She was just as important as anybody else. She deserved a happy childhood, but hadn't had one.

"We need to talk about adopting her."

"Are you sure about that?"

"Yes. Very. I'm about to go into menopause, Castle. At a very young age. My body's not going to be able to carry a child. It's time to face the music; there are some things I can't do, but being the person who protects Nat has to be one of those of those things that I can. You have to do it, too."

"And to think two weeks ago, you didn't even think you were capable of parenting her. Of course I will."

I had to keep her safe. Not just for the case, but because she was important.


	7. Somebody Loves You

_Disclaimer- I still don't own Castle, Andrew Marlowe does, and I don't want him to sue me for playing in his sandbox. I'm just having fun, I make no moneys._

* * *

I talked to Gates over Skype while Natalie took a nap, filling her in on what had happened.

"I think, Detective," Gates said gravely, "that you and Castle need to hide in some place more remote. Without cameras. Most of the Hamptons are under video surveillance, broadcast on the internet. It's no wonder they saw you with Natalie and came after her."

Fifteen minutes of privacy were up. At times as a cop, I celebrated having cameras everywhere, at this moment, I did not. No wonder they found her. "We'll take her away. For the rest of the break. We won't let her out of his sight."

"I hope not. Go and hide her."

"I know just the place," I said, getting out my phone.

On my phone, I dialed Dad.

"Hi honey, how's spring break going?"

"Not well. Dad, I need to ask a favor about your cabin in Vermont."

* * *

Alexis brought home the cuckoo bird from Aviary for Nat that night. She woke up and we had a calm dinner with grilled steaks and potatoes, and Natalie wanted to watch  _the Little Mermaid_.

"Alexis," she noted, laying down on top of me. "You kind of look like her."

"I've been told that my whole life," Alexis said. "You know you who look like?"

"Who?"

"Princess Aurora.  _Sleeping Beauty_."

Natalie blushed. "Thank you for the bird," she said.

"You're welcome. I hope you like it."

We watched the movie for a few more minutes and Alexis, Natalie, and I sang along with  _Kiss the Girl_. It was so much more fun when there were three of us singing together. Rick came in the room right at the end of the song and joined us right as the eels overturned the boat.

"Can we pause the movie?" he asked.

"Sure," I said, picking up the remote.

"Nat, after what happened to day," Castle began, "we talked to Kate's dad, and he says it's okay for us to stay for the rest of spring break in his cabin in Vermont. We don't feel like the Hamptons are safe right now."

"You have another house?" Nat asked, surprised. "How many houses do you guys have?"

"Just these two," Castle said. "We're going to Vermont."

"I've never been to Vermont."

"It's a bit of a drive," I admitted.

"Oh," she muttered.

"Do you want me to come along?" Alexis asked.

"You had friends you wanted to see this week, didn't you?" Castle asked.

"I did," she admitted. "But…" Alexis could be kidnapped at a wild party and used against us, too.

"We'd like to have you come along," I said.

"Do you even have room in that cabin for all four of us?" she asked.

"I think we do," I said. "It'll be fine."

We turned the movie back on and Castle went back to the sunroom to write and the movie finished.

"What a great movie!" Nat sighed.

"It strayed pretty far from the book," Alexis noted.

"It was a book?" Nat cried.

"Yes," I said. "Hans Christian Anderson wrote it."

"In the story, the sea witch gave the Little Mermaid legs, but they were always in pain and always bleeding. She had long a short period of time to make the prince fall in love with her, and so they were dancing, and she's in all this pain, and he says to her, 'yeah, I'm in love with that girl over there.' And he never looked twice at her."

"Did she die?"

"Yes, indeed she did. But only after the Sea Witch tried to get her to kill the Prince. She flung herself into the ocean and became a daughter of the air because her soul was so pure," Alexis said.

"That's depressing!" Nat cried. "And they always say the book is better than the movie!"

"Hans Christian Anderson basically wanted to put stories out there that were warnings for Victorian children," I said. "Fairy tales weren't always meant for just children, but adults, too, so they were actually pretty scary. I can get it on my Kindle if you want to read it. But we won't be able to download it when we get to Vermont. There's no internet out there."

"Really?" Nat cried, jumping up. "Is it like camping?"

"No. The cabin has electricity and running water. It's on a lake, though."

"Cool! Can we watch another movie?"

It was only seven, entirely too early for Nat to go to bed, but I didn't want her brain melting from too much TV. "Why don't we do something else?" I asked. "Like, play a boardgame?"

"I've got a few games on my iPhone," Alexis offered, looking up from her phone and her beer.

"Can we have a sock party?" Nat asked.

"A sock party?" I repeated. "What's that?"

"It's when we wear socks and listen to music and dance on hardwood floors."

"A dance party! That sounds fun!" Alexis cried. "I've got the music on my phone!"

"I'll go get some socks!" Nat volunteered. She ran upstairs.

Alexis turned on  _Talk Dirty to Me_  on her phone. "No," I said. "Change it."

"What? Why? It's not okay?" Alexis asked.

"The lyrics. I don't want her hearing them and thinking it's okay," I said. "She asked me today if a bird was an asshole."

"I'll change it." She changed the song until it started playing something similar-sounding. "It's  _Talk Nerdy to Me_ , a parody. Don't worry."

"I'm back!" Natalie shouted, jumping down the last three steps on the staircase. She had socks on, now.

"House rules, no twerking."

"Aww!"

"Real ladies don't twerk," Alexis pointed out.

"Don't you know how to dance any other way?" I asked.

"Well, sorta. This is the NeNe." She clasped her hands and held them out in front of herself and started tapping her toe to the side.

"Oh, so that's the NeNe," I said. It was kind of stupid, no real skill involved.

"Yeah. Can we play some One Direction?" she asked.

"Sorry, I don't have them downloaded to my phone," Alexis admitted, going to the phone. She tapped the screen and a new electronic song started playing. "Oh! This one is pretty popular!"

"Who is it?" Nat asked.

"Betty Who." I recognized  _Somebody Loves You_  started playing.

"Oh, I love this song! I cried. "It reminds me of when I was kid in the 80s!"

"Wow, you're old," Natalie teased.

"Hey! I'm not that old."

"Kidding!"

"What kind of dance moves did you do in the 80s?" Alexis asked. "The Robot? Break Dancing?"

"No, everybody forgets that those weren't the only two moves we did. I did this one all the time in elementary school after Madonna did it on the American Music Awards. It's the Running Man."

"Show us!" Natalie cried.

I did my best running man, although it had been years since I had even attempted it. Alexis and Nat burst out laughing.

"Hey!" I cried.

"That looks so dumb!" Natalie giggled.

"Are you even getting anywhere?" Alexis cackled. "You might as well be on a treadmill!"

"Forget me ever showing you guys the Roger Rabbit. And to think I danced for ten years at the American Ballet Theatre."

"No, show me!" Alexis cried, gulping down the last of her beer. "It'll be a hoot at the next retro party I go to!"

"Knife in my heart!" I cried.

I spent the better part of the night dancing with the girls until Castle came in, and offered to show Natalie how to dance with a partner. She jumped at the chance as he taught her the single liddy and the brush turn from swing dancing. "I thought only gay guys danced!" Natalie cried. "And hip-hop stars!"

"Hey, let me tell you something; when I was about thirteen, I was given the option to sign up for any elective class I wanted in school. All the sports filled up really quickly, shop filled up, and then I saw the prettiest girls in school all gathered around one table, and I thought 'that's the class for me!' It was social dance. That's how I learned."

"Really?"

"Yup. No competition;  _all_  the girls wanted to dance with me. They'd _fight_  over me everyday at lunch. And at the spring dance, they all lined up to dance with me, I spent the night surrounded by girls while all the other boys were leaning on the walls, watching, too shy to ask them. It was one of the few times my school principals actually liked me. So don't make assumptions that any man who can dance is gay."

"It all makes sense, now," I joked. "How you dated every socialite under the age of thirty in Manhattan!"

"There's nothing sexier than a man who knows how to tango," Alexis added in. She was a bit buzzed at this point. "When they're all dominant and can lead, you know they're good in bed. How do you think Chase and I met?"

"Earmuffs!" Castle cried.

"But it's ten o'clock, time for us all to get to bed," I said, checking my watch. "We need to leave for Vermont in the morning."

* * *

That night, I could hardly sleep, listening to Alexis and Natalie giggling and talking in her room, watching another movie when they were supposed to be sleeping. It was funny and I enjoyed hearing it, it was so cute. The idea of adopting Natalie seemed so right at this moment. She had only lived with us for three weeks, but I loved her already. I made a terrible foster mother if I had to give her back. I'd be wrecked.

I rubbed some lotion in my legs and went back into the bedroom where Castle was still on his computer, messing with what he had written, frowning at the screen.

"Killing your darlings?" I asked, climbing into the bed.

"Yes," he grumbled.

I gently closed the computer and took it away from him. He groaned slightly. "Put it down, Castle, and come to bed. I want to be with the most popular boy in school who stole everybody's hearts, Ricky Rogers. Show me how well you can dance."

He leaned into kiss me, and I held him close. It had been so long since we had made love, it was probably before Nat moved in with us. He held me and rolled over on top of me. I didn't mind his weight on top of me. I didn't resist; for the first time in a long time, I wanted to make love to my husband. I had forgotten how much I loved him.

"I need to confess something, Castle."

"Yeah?"

"I've been too focused on having a baby. I've neglected you."

"Yeah," he said, kissing along my forehead. "You kind of have, Beckett."

"I'm sorry," I sighed, stroking his back through his t-shirt. "I've been a terrible wife."

"No you haven't," he said, kissing down my face until he got to my eyelids. "I'd have left if you were."

I moaned slightly, my eyes closed, feeling the gentle scratch of his whiskers against my skin. "I love you," he whispered in my ear, before kissing the sensitive spot right under my lobe.

"I love you, too," I whispered, running my hands down to the small of his back. I felt him tense, slightly; I knew him well enough to know that I was turning him on.

 

"Be quiet," he warned. "I'd die if Natalie heard." 

"I don't know if I can," I whispered.

"Let's just try."

We tried to be quiet, considering that Alexis and Nat were just down the hall, but it felt fresh and brand-new. I could live like this forever; knowing Natalie was down the hall having a slumber party with Alexis and our family was safe and my husband loved me. I felt closer to Castle than I had in the last year tonight. We were a family. And my damaged, partially-destroyed uterus didn't matter. I felt whole and happy again.

"You know," I said in the post-coital bliss. "I'm beginning to think I'll be fine if we never conceive. I want Natalie to be our daughter. Do you want that, too? Do you want to adopt her?"

"And... Beckett finally comes around," he said, stroking my hair out of my eyes.


	8. Safe House

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Castle and Beckett take the girls to Jim's cabin in Vermont to keep them safe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer- I still don't own Castle, Andrew Marlowe does, and I don't want him to sue me for playing in his sandbox. I'm just having fun, I make no moneys.

 

Alexis and Natalie came down with their packed bags at breakfast. Castle said he'd pack our bags, so I went ahead and made french toast and fruit salad.

"Look what we made last night!" Natalie cried, holding up her wrist. "Friendship bracelets! But we're going to call them 'sister bracelets.'"

My heart melted. Alexis really was treating her like a little sister.

"Mine's turquoise and red, like Ariel," Alexis said. "And hers is pink and blue, like Princess Aurora."

"I love it!" I cried. "It's perfect!"

"We'll never take them off," Alexis said. "We agreed."

"She's going to teach me all about boys and straightening my hair out," Natalie bragged.

"Because that's what sisters do," Alexis said. They clinked their orange juice glasses together in a toast. There was a thunking down the stairs.

"Are we ready to go?" Castle asked, bringing the two suitcases down.

"I am," I said.

"Me too," Alexis said.

We put the dishes in the dishwasher and turned it on so that they'd be clean the next time we got here. I did a double-check of my room to make sure Castle hadn't missed anything and went downstairs.

Someone in a white SUV had pulled into the drive and was talking to Castle.

"Castle?" I asked.

"I rented another car. We're leaving our own here," he said.

"My brilliant husband," I noted, kissing him on the cheek. The car had Connecticut license tags.

"Why are we taking this car?" Nat asked. "Is it to keep the bad guys from finding us?"

She knew more than she was supposed to. She was definitely smart. "Yeah, that's right," I said, taking her hand. "Did you go to the bathroom?"

"Yeah, I did, just a moment ago."

I helped her into the SUV and Alexis joined her in the backseat. Castle made sure everything was right with the car rental and we climbed into leave, once we had the house alarm set.

The first leg of our drive was pretty boring. Alexis had downloaded some One Direction, and that made Nat happy. She fell asleep at one point, which we had to wake her up at a rest stop to go to the bathroom. We stopped for lunch in a small diner and I downloaded an audiobook version of  _the Little Mermaid_  by Hans Christian Anderson, since Natalie wanted to read it. We listened to that the rest of the way up to the cabin. We crossed the bridge and I saw the familiar sight of the glittering water of the lake, which would be our backdrop for the rest of the week.

To my surprise, Dad's car was parked outside the cabin, and he came out when he saw us pull into the driveway.

"Dad?" I cried, getting out of the car. "Dad, I didn't think you'd be here!"

"Oh," he said, embarrassed. "I didn't think you'd mind…"

"No, I don't mind," I said, hugging him. "But for Pete's sake, do you know how much danger Natalie's in?"

"I know you're trying to keep her safe," he said sheepishly.

"You have no idea."

"Hey Jim," Castle said, getting out of the car.

"Are we going to have enough room for everybody? We brought Alexis," I said, thinking of that there were only two bedrooms and one bath in his cabin.

"I brought a blow-up mattress," Dad offered. "Maybe we can put one of the girls on the couch the other one on the mattress."

"That'll work," Castle said. "We can sleep in Kate's old room, and you'll get the master bedroom."

"Do we have television out here?" Natalie asked. "What about phones? Do they work? Can we go in the lake?"

"Natalie and her questions!" Castle joked.

* * *

After getting settled in, Dad took Natalie down to the lake to show her the water, and she insisted on me going with them.

"And that's the dock, and my boat's on the end," Dad said, pointing at the water. "I go fishing in it in the summer."

"Like on TV?"

"Yeah, kinda like that. In the winter, when the lake is frozen over, I go ice fishing and bring a little shack out on the water where I cut a hole in the ice."

"The fish are still alive in the winter?"

"Yup. The ice floats to the top, so the lake's not frozen solid. The fish are under there and they get hungry. They don't swim downstream."

"Oh."

"I'll take you fishing tomorrow morning after mass if you want to get up early."

"What's mass?"

"It's church. I go to church and take communion because this is holy week. Do you want to go?"

"Okay, I'll try it."

Natalie continued to ask questions to Dad, who was holding her hand as they walked down the beach. I stayed behind as Natalie sank her feet into the shallow waves lapping the shore, squealing.

The water glittered and the treelines were ominous. If they found us, there were plenty of places to hide. But we had come up here undercover. Yes, we might have gotten our faces on some webcams, but in the whole wide world of webcams and the internet, it seemed pretty difficult to locate a face randomly. We were safe here. I thought about taking Natalie to school and how Castle was going to have to leave work to pick Natalie up at three. I'd come home, and we couldn't really go out or socialize until they caught Gabriel Savage and Natalie testified. I didn't trust anybody, asides from a fellow armed police officer and the teaching staff at her school, to watch her. Not even Alexis. It wasn't just protecting the case, it was Natalie's life. I understood why parents would give their lives for their children; I would, now. In just three short weeks, I had gone from being completely insecure about parenting an older foster child to being fiercely defensive of her. The thought of adopting or fostering more kids came to mind, but I decided not to entertain the thought; we needed to focus on Natalie right now.

* * *

That night, we had a grilled-out dinner of hamburgers and hotdogs, and ended up sitting out on the back porch, drinking ginger ales. Castle and I avoided alcohol around my dad, and Alexis went along with it. Tonight, Castle had Natalie sitting in his lap while they examined the constellations by the telescope. He showed her the planets, too.

"Now look very, very carefully, and try not to shake the telescope. Do you see that?"

"Yeah. It's kind of like an oval," Nat said.

"That's Saturn. You can see the rings."

"Cool!" she cried.

"Saturn and Jupiter are the two biggest gas giants in the solar system," Castle explained. "They don't have a surface that we know of, like the Earth does. And then there's the ice giants beyond them, Neptune and Uranus."

She giggled. "Uranus," she muttered.

"The planets were named after the Roman Gods," he continued. "Mars is the god of war, and Venus is the goddess of love. Mercury was the winged messenger."

"Uranus was the only planet named after a Greek god, not a Roman one."

"How many gods did they have?" Natalie asked.

"Too many, that's why I like being Roman Catholic," Dad said.

"Well, the Romans took the Greek gods, renamed them, and kept most of their characteristics," Alexis said. "I did a project in fourth grade where I drew the family tree of the Greek gods."

"Which planet has the most moons in the solar system?" Castle asked.

"I don't know," Nat said.

"Jupiter," I said. "I remember reading about that in the Justice League comics."

"Correct!" Castle said. "You know what's cool about Jupiters moons?"

"No, what?" Nat asked.

"Europa, it's covered in ice. And we don't know for sure, but there's a possibility that there's an entire ocean under that ice and it's liquid. There might even be ocean creatures in there. But we don't know for sure."

"No way! Can I see it?"

"Europa? It's hard to see from Earth."

"No, Jupiter!"

"I think we can see that in the night sky. Just a second," he adjusted the position of the telescope.

"If there's sea creatures under the ice, can't we send a space craft there and find out?"

"No, we don't want to infect the water with Earth-bacterias and bring a foreign element to it," Alexis explained. "We'd have to completely sterilize any probes we send down there, which is extremely hard to do. We don't want to bring life to it accidentally if there is none in the first place."

"I think I found Jupiter," Castle said. "Yup. There you go, Nat."

She eagerly looked into the eye piece.

"This is the planet with the giant red spot in it," Castle said.

"It's too bad we can't go there," Nat said softly.

"But we can dream about it. It's in the comic books. And the comic book movies," Castle suggested.

"Too bad we can't go on other planets, yet."

"Oh, but we have," Castle said. "We landed on the moon."

"That's right!" I said, realizing it. "That's another planet!"

"We did?"

"Yes, back in the 60s," Dad said. "I remember sitting in my parent's living room and watching it when I was about your age, Nat. Buzz Aldron and Neil Armstrong were the astronauts that did it first. Man, that sparked my imagination."

"That's really cool," Nat said, still watching Jupiter in the telescope.

"You can read about going to different planets, Nat," Alexis offered. "What was the book you read to me, Dad?  _The Softwire_  series?  _Virus on Orbis_?"

"Yeah, that's the one," Castle said. "And  _the Barsoom Chronicles_  were a good series, but kind of off. There's no life on Mars."

"I wanna read those!" Nat said.

"You are welcome to," Castle said. "And you're welcome to read _Ender's Game_ , too."

"Are those guys that landed on the moon the Man on the Moon?" Natalie asked. "The two guys you talked about?"

"No, actually, the Man on the Moon is a geological formation on the moon that looks either like a man or a rabbit," Castle said, adjusting the telescope to get a better look at our moon, which was almost full tonight. "It's not really a person, but ancient people used to think it was an actual person who got stuck on the moon."

"Wow…"

Castle began to tell her the Aztec legend of the moon. Natalie's mind had never been set afire with the hunger for knowledge with people who'd help her learn before. It was bittersweet, but beautiful. And she was ours, now. We'd teach her everything there was to know that she wanted to know and then some.

* * *

That night, Castle and I got "acquainted" again as quietly as possible while Alexis and Nat were watching a movie in the living room. I hoped Dad didn't hear us, either.

Not having the pressure of getting pregnant on my mind strangely set our relationship at ease. Sex was easier, more comfortable, and more enjoyable. We just had it to be close to each other. I never thought bringing a child into our lives would help our sex life so much.

The next morning, Natalie and Dad went to mass, and I dragged myself out of bed to go with them, keeping my gun in my purse. I wasn't taking any chances. Alexis and Castle slept in while we were gone, but I told Castle that I expected a full spread on the table when we got home because we'd be hungry.

Natalie got a little fidgety during church; she didn't quite understand what they were talking about, and she couldn't quite understand the stories, but could sing the music. Afterwards, we came home, and Castle was making bacon and eggs in the kitchen. Alexis had made Monkey Bread, the cabin smelled so sweet.

"What did you think of church?" Castle asked.

"Eh, kinda boring," Nat said.

"Boring?" Dad repeated. "It's not boring!"

"Well, I didn't mind it when the preacher guy did that speech thing after reading from the bible."

"The homily?"

"Yes! That was good advice. I liked that part."

"Well, that's something to build on," Dad noted.

We had breakfast and then went to the dock to get the boat ready for fishing. Natalie wouldn't get on the boat until I promised her that the lifejacket would keep her afloat if she fell into the water and she wouldn't drown. Dad had forgotten the extra tackle box and ran back to the cabin to get it. Alexis found a loop of string and started playing cat's cradle with Nat until Dad came back. He set off to drive the boat around the lake, and Natalie's nerves melted away. He let her steer the boat for a little while, which she liked.

We had a good time, fishing. Teaching her to the bait the hook was funny, and Castle recorded it on his phone as she stabbed the worm and screamed in disgust. That was the highlight of the day. We got back to the cabin with a few fish caught by 3, and we decided to take a nap and relax.

During the time, I was able to text Gates that we were safe at the lake and things were going well, since I didn't have a lot of cell reception. When the sun went down, Natalie was sad that we couldn't look at the stars more because of the overcast clouds blocking them. We took her on a night hike down the trail where Dad told her scary stories of a crazy lady that lived in the flood plain in the 1930s who wouldn't move when the dam was built and her land would flooded. When we arrived home, I sent her directly to the shower while Dad and Castle put the fish into the smoker in the backyard to preserve the fish for the rest of the trip. The next thing I knew, Nat was running around the cabin with Alexis and me in her underwear and training bra. To think only a few weeks ago, she had been scared of me seeing her naked and wouldn't open the bathroom door. She was in her pajamas by the time the men came in.

We sat out again on the back deck, playing charades by the LED lantern's light. Natalie was falling asleep in my arms by nine. It had been a long day for her. "I don't want to go to bed," Nat said. "I like this."

"I know, but you have to. We all do," I said, getting her to stand up.

She gasped suddenly.

"My sister bracelet!" she cried. "It's gone!"

"Where did you last see it?" Alexis asked.

"On the boat," she said. "Oh no!"

"We can make another!" Alexis promised.

"We'll check on the boat in the morning," I promised.

"But-"

"It's too dark to go and search for it," I said. "Come on, we're going to blow up the air mattress and you'll go to bed. We all will."

She moaned.

"You know, I always wanted a younger sibling to give an Indian Bracelet to," Alexis said, grinning micheiviously.

"No!" I cried.

"What's that?" Nat asked.

"Where I take your wrist like this," she demonstrated in the air. "And I twist!"

"Alexis, no," Castle said. "No Indian Bracelets, alright? That's mean and it hurts and it's not politically correct."

Alexis just laughed.

I put Nat to bed and the adults stayed out on the back porch talking, the lantern on the patio table giving us some light next to the citronella candle we burned to keep the bugs away.

* * *

I opened my eyes. Castle was breathing so hard he was slightly snoring, I could hear it, and we had fallen asleep with him spooning me. The grayish early morning light filtered into the room from the window. This break from everything was just what I needed; it cleared my head and helped me decide what was the most important things in my life. I was so happy we had ended up coming out here. I heard the screen porch door snap shut and Castle stopped snoring.

"Is everybody up?" he asked groggily.

I didn't hear anything else, and I wondered if Alexis was awake. Natalie usually woke up around this time for school anyway. "I don't think so," I mumbled.

I got out of the bed, and went into the living room; it had to be Nat was up, because her air mattress was empty. Alexis was still asleep on the couch.

"I'll start the coffee," I told Castle as he came out of the bedroom in his shorts.

I saw Natalie was on the backporch through the kitchen window, putting on a life jacket and she ran down the steps barefoot out to the dock.

"Nat!" I yelled, stepping out the door. "Where are you going?"

"I'm going to look for my sister bracelet!" she shouted over her shoulder.

"Just a second, let me go with you," I called, thinking of where I had left my flip-flops. She ignored me and ran on.

"Where's Natalie?" Castle asked me, coming out to the back porch.

"Where are my flipflops?" I asked him.

"Under the patio table," Castle said. "You kicked them off last night."

I had left them under the patio table last night, they were there, but then I realized the lantern was missing.

It had been deliberately moved.

"Someone's been here," I said, my heart dropping into my stomach. "Castle!"

"Natalie!" he shouted, sprinting past me. I could see her on the dock. "Natalie, stop!"

Natalie either couldn't hear him or she didn't think she needed to listen. I ran after them, too. She hopped into the boat, and I realized it wasn't tethered to the dock. I heard the buzz and the engine suddenly came to life.

I couldn't get there fast enough.

The boat roared away and Natalie stood there on it, a panicked expression on her face.

 _I couldn't get there fast enough!_ I willed my legs to run faster.

The boat began to steer away from the dock and Natalie looked terrified.

"Jump!" Castle shouted. "Natalie, jump off the boat!"

I saw Castle do a swan dive into the lake and I followed right after him. She looked terrified and shook her head. I reached the end of the dock and jumped off, too, hitting the freezing cold water. It was too cold to swim in.

 _Please, just jump!_  I thought, trying to swim as fast as my body would let me.

When I brought my head up out the water, I saw Natalie had disappeared from the boat's edge. I spotted her, bobbing up and down in the water, screaming, and Castle was only feet from her. The boat had been tampered with. Someone had messed with it in hopes that Natalie would get on it.

"Natalie!" Castle shouted. "What the hell did you do?"

"I didn't!" she spluttered between sobs. "I didn't turn it on!"

He got to her and wrapped his arms around her. The boat was speeding off into the middle of the lake. "I found the sister bracelet where the key would usually be, but it was just wires, and I pulled on it and the boat turned on!" she sobbed.

"Thank God you remembered to wear a life jacket," he said. I reached them.

"I didn't mean to do anything wrong!" she sobbed. "I didn't mean to turn it on-"

A suddenly boom impacted our ears and the boat exploded in the middle of the water. Castle shoved Natalie down, against the life jacket's buoyancy, and I ducked down under the water, too. Debris rained down on us in the water and I was scared Nat had gotten hit by it. She bounced back up in the water, and I broke the surface. I could faintly hear her screaming, as if through a tunnel. Part of the boat was still floating in the water, aflame.

There had been an incendiary device implanted on the boat, meant for Natalie or for all of us.

They had found us. We weren't safe here. We weren't safe anywhere.


	9. Desperate Measures

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Now that Natalie is not safe anywhere, the Mayor of New York reaches of Castle and Beckett's head to keep her alive.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer- I still don't own Castle, Andrew Marlowe does, and I don't want him to sue me for playing in his sandbox.

 

The morning was flooded with the lake patrol and the police coming to make a report. I was frantic; Natalie almost got killed. We had to get her out of here, fast. Alexis and my dad were visibly shaken when we got back from the dock. They had been woken up by the explosion.

Gates called me, but my cell reception was so bad, I could hardly hear her. I called her back on the landline phone Dad still had connected in the kitchen to fill her in.

"They found us," I admitted. "They almost killed her."

"We can't hide her any longer," Gates sighed. "Bring her back to the city. We'll keep undercover detail on her and your family when you get back here."

"Thank you," I said.

"Keep her safe. She's the primary witness that can get Gabriel Savage locked away for good."

"I will, sir."

After the local police had done all their work, I put Natalie in the shower. She came out dressed, her hair wet. She handed me the comb for her hair.

"Are we going home?" Nat asked. "Back to New York?"

"Yes," I said, toweling off her wet hair before getting the comb out.

"The bad guys found us," she said, tearfully. "I'm so scared. I'm going to die!"

"No, you aren't," I said. "We'll have armed plainclothes detail on us, protecting us secretly. If anybody tries to kill you, we'll protect you. I promise, baby bird."

* * *

Back in New York, Laney met us with a car load of groceries when we got home.

"Laney, thank you," I said, getting Nat out of the car. It was raining in the city anyway. "You're the best."

"Javier told me what happened," she said. "She was in the boat? All by herself?"

"She was looking for something," I explained.

"My sister bracelet was missing. I went to get it the moment I woke up," Natalie explained.

Laney scooped her up in a hug, her eyes filling with tears. "I'm so glad you're safe," she said as the tears slid down her cheeks.

"The boat just turned on and went off into the lake. I was so scared!"

"Of course you would be," Laney said softly, squeezing her.

The bomb squad had already swept our apartment for bugs and bombs, so we knew it was safe to bring her back up. We unloaded the luggage and started a load of laundry, I was eager to get our soaked pajamas into the wash. Alexis started making spaghetti casserole, showing Nat how to do it. "We'll make more sister bracelets," she promised while browning the beef. "Ones that won't ever come off." She was still a bit shaken, ten hours later. Laney helped us make the beds and before I knew it, Javier had come over, too, with a casserole from Jenny and Ryan, who knew it wasn't a good idea to bring Sarah Grace over while we were under watch. We spent the evening trying to entertain ourselves, since leaving the loft was a bad idea. I put Natalie to bed early, since she was so shaken up. We read a few more pages of Hans Christian Anderson's different fairy tales, gave her a dose of Children's Tylenol, and switched out the lights.

Finally at home, alone, I poured myself a glass of wine, not caring if it was against doctor's orders right now, and I sat down on the couch. Alexis had the television on, and everyone was watching a DVR-ed episode of  _the Simpsons_. When it was over, the Bloomberg Network came on; and in the news ticker at the bottom, there was a headline about the Savage gang.

_SAVAGE GANG CLAIMS RESPONSIBILITY FOR ATTACK ON NYPD CHILD WITNESS IN VT._

We all went silent. I took a deep, but shaky breath. "Turn it off," I said to Alexis. She picked up the remote and the TV went black.

"Bad news travels quickly," Esposito said into his beer. Laney wriggled slightly towards his direction, and he slipped an arm around her shoulders.

"She's just a kid," I muttered. "How dark and how corrupt are these people that they want to kill a child just to make a profit? What's this going to do to her, too?"

"We've made the decision that we'd like to adopt her," Castle said. "We don't really trust the foster system with her any longer."

"I wouldn't know what to do if something happened to her," I admitted. "I love that child. I'll do anything for her."

* * *

The next morning, there was a knock on the door to our apartment as I was sleeping. It was almost six in the morning. Why hadn't the doorman called us? I rubbed my eyes and Castle got up to answer it, putting on his bathrobe. I yawned and stood up. I guess I was awake for the day. In the foyer, I saw Castle open the door and two uniformed police officers were standing there with a woman in a suit.

"We're here to collect Natalie Holcomb," the woman said.

"Excuse me?" I asked.

"We're here to take Natalie Holcomb into protective custody," she repeated.

"No!" I cried. "She's in protective custody right now!"

"No, she's in _police_  custody," one of the uniforms corrected me. "We're taking her to juvenile hall to keep her safe."

"You're not taking anybody!" Castle cried. "We were not notified of this!"

"It was the mayor's decision. It's only until we apprehend Gabriel Savage and get her on the witness stand. We've got a court order."

"How long will that take!" I cried, terrified. "You're not taking her away from us!"

"Kate? Rick?" a little voice said from the top of the stairs. The uniforms walked right in without an invitation.

"Natalie! No!" I cried as the cops charged up the stairs. She gasped and they grabbed her.

"Where are you taking me!?" she cried as they came down the stairs. "I want to stay here!"

"Everything's alright," the woman said to her.

"You're not taking her!" I shouted.

"You could lose your badge, or worse, get arrested for interfering with the execution of a court order," the uniform said to me.

The fear of seeing Natalie taken away almost made me lose control of my bladder. The panick rose in my head, making my vision fuzzy and my ears were ringing.

"I know the Mayor, we'll change his mind!" Castle threatened. "Natalie, we're going to come back for you!"

"No!" she pleaded.

"What's going on?" Alexis asked, coming out of her room. "What are they doing?!"

I followed them out to the elevator. "Natalie, we're not letting them take you-"

"Yes, you are," the uniform said. God, uniforms. They hated to be told what to do by a higher-up. "Detective Beckett, step away from the elevator."

"The hell I will!" I snapped, taking Natalie's outstretched hand. The other uniform pulled our hands apart.

"Kate!" Natalie called, sobbing. "Don't let them take me away!"

"It's safe this way," the lady in the suit said.

I stood in the elevator door so that it wouldn't close. This was a nightmare. "I will keep her safe! I promise, we won't even leave this building until the Gabriel Savage has been apprehended!"

"Not an option, Detective Beckett," the uniform said. "Get out of the elevator before we have to handcuff you."

"You're taking my child!" I cried. "What do you expect me to do?"

"She's not your child, you're only her police protection. Former police protection. As of now, you are attempting to kidnap a child that isn't yours."

"Kate!" Natalie screamed.

"Kate," Castle said softly in my ear. "Let her go. We'll talk to Gates and the Mayor and get her back." He pulled me back and elevator doors started to shut, but not before I kissed Nat's fingers.

"Be brave! I'm coming back for you!" I called after Nat as the doors shut. I was shaking so hard, I felt my bladder threatening to release itself. I ran to the powder room in the foyer and shut the door. I had already wet my pajama pants a little bit.

When I came out, Alexis was panicking, pacing. " _Whatdowedo whatdowedo whatdowedo_ …" she was chanting.

"I'm calling Gates right now," Castle said. I ran to the bedroom and stripped out of my soiled garments, changing to dry ones, and went back into the living room.

Castle had Gates on the phone. She sounded like she had just woken up. "... I'm calling the mayor, but this over my head," she was saying. "I know you and Castle care deeply about that little girl, but she's an important witness in this case, and they can't afford for her life to be in danger."

"They took my child!" The sob erupted from my throat.

"The best we can do is find Gabriel Savage as quickly as possible," Gate said. "I'm putting a team together to locate him. In the mean time, Natalie's been taken away, but she'll be safe. I'll call in every favor I have left. Come in to work, your vacation is over, Detective. Rest on that. Mr. Castle, I'd encourage you to call the mayor and see what you can do, what kind of pull you can get."

* * *

I was too shaken to eat breakfast, so when we arrived at the precinct, I was shivering. Castle made me eat a banana, and Esposito and Ryan were already there with a few other detectives, and Gates walked in and approached us.

"The good news is, Natalie is being kept apart from the general population in juvenile hall. I seriously doubt the Savage gang can penetrate that. She is physically safe, although probably very scared. I already called down there, and they are fine with you bring clothes, books, toys, toiletries for her, whatever, as long as they can inspect them first."

I nodded, my stomach still churning.

"She's safe," Gates repeated. "I'm furious with CPS for taking her without a lot of warning to the two of you, but what's done is done. Mr. Castle, did you have any luck with the mayor?"

Castle shook his head. "He's so concerned about krok getting into the city, he needs us to take down the Savage gang. He wants Savage caught and put away for life with Natalie's testimony. He wouldn't budge."

"We're calling S.W.A.T. once we have a location on Savage. You know that I wouldn't sacrifice this many resources to apprehend just anybody and I'm going to have a hell of a time explaining it, so we have to organize now and act quickly, understand?"

* * *

We started pulling as many subpoenas and search warrants we could to get any indicators. Phone records on Savage were sparse, but someone in his gang made the mistake of having a non-burner phone. Finally, a break.

We found the location of warehouse in Brooklyn that pinged off the cell tower too many times. We called the Brooklyn PD to do a drive-by and see if there was anything amiss. The news came back that yes, there were people going in and out, and they spotted a few men with mermaid tattoos peeking out from under their shirts and on their necks coming out of the building.

"We've got 'em," I noted. "We do a raid, now."

"This gang is probably armed," Esposito said. "Are we really going to risk police lives?"

We all looked to Gates. "I'm ready to bring this son of a bitch down. We go in there with our guns out and armor on. Mr. Castle, I'm sorry, you can not go. You stay in the van."

I felt Castle squeeze my elbow.

"Everyone, suit up," Gates said.


	10. Always

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Beckett and the gang suit up to put an end to the Savage Gang and makes some career choices.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer- I still don't own Castle, Andrew Marlowe does, and I don't want him to sue me for playing in his sandbox. I'm just having fun, I make no moneys. I used the name "zipline" for those plastic strips you can wrap around something that never come undone, you have to cut them with scissors to take them off. I think that's the name for them. Not sure.

 

I held my breath, wishing I wasn't so shaky. Now, it wasn't fear that they took my child away, it was rage. Rage that this man was putting Natalie's life in danger and that resulted in her getting taken from us. Rage that he was trying to introduce a new designer drug into New York. I was ready to defend my city and get him arrested.

The dark of night gave us some cover. It was past midnight, and I was certain we'd surprise them. Castle had gone on to juvenile hall to bring Natalie some of her things, and promise her that we hadn't forgotten about her and had every intent of coming back for her. I was intent on coming back for my baby bird.

The Lieutenant, a man named Pablo Hortez, that was leading the SWAT team was a former Marine that I knew well from Brooklyn. I took a few deep breaths and looked at the SWAT team member's military-grade submachine guns and M4 Carbines against my own little bitty Sig Sauer. I had my backup piece tucked into the waistband of my pants, under my bulletproof vest. They had on body armor, whereas we just had our vests. Esposito had been recruited to join SWAT for this mission, and was suited up, too. I saw a bead of sweat slide down Ryan's temple as the SWAT van came to a stop. We were here. SWAT was going in first, we were the backup.

The power got pulled on the block, and that was the queue. The nightvision on the helmets were flipped on and the men burst out.

"Move, move, move!" Lt Hortez shouted. The SWAT members came running through the block and the doors to the warehouse were busted open.

I watched from the van while thing descended into mayhem.

People came bursting out and there were shouts and gunfire. I ran forwards, with my gun aimed, only able to see in the moonlight, and immediately disarmed and took down the man running blind. I used a plastic zipline to cuff him on the ground, kicking his gun away, and took off towards the next guy. I must have taken down four more men before I got into the warehouse. Luckily, I never shot a single person.

It was compete warzone inside, something chemical was stinking the air and a light was wavering. I ducked behind some crates and realized that this had been a krok lab and it was on fire.

We had to get out of here.

I saw a figure running out, his body armor off. I took a shot at him, knowing he wasn't one of ours, and he was thrown to the side, his gun skittering off into the crates. I trained my gun on him and turned him over with my foot to see that he had a scar across his cheek and a mermaid tattoo sticking out from the collar of his t-shirt.

Savage.

His eyes narrowed and brought the butt of my gun down on his mouth, breaking his teeth.

"You tried to kill my kid," I snarled as he cried in out pain. His mouth bloodied in a split second and I knew I had knocked out and broken half his teeth.

" _Cunty whore_ ," he slurred.

I kicked him over and grabbed his hands, ziplining him, then dragging him out by the foot. I wanted to see him rot in jail, if the justice system was that kind.

"Beckett!" I heard Lt. Hortez shouting. Most of the men apprehended were laid out on the pavement.

"I got him!" I shouted. "Gabriel Savage, right here."

"Read that motherfucker his rights."

"I'd be happy to. Gabriel Savage, you are under arrest. Mostly for being a wart on the scrotum of humanity, but most of all for dealing illegal narcotics, child sex abuse, and murder one…"

* * *

Savage was taken by police escort to the hospital for his injuries. The fire department came in to put out the blaze as we took the gang members in downtown. We had caught ten of the fifteen members of New York's most wanted criminals in this bust, the rest were lower-level gang members that were basically doing Savage's bidding. It felt good to get them into the system, hopefully for good this time. A few of them even rolled over and gave us the location of a few of the brothels where the sex slaves were living. We sent Vice down there to rescue the victims and put them into social care custody today.

By now, I had been awake for over twenty-four hours by the time we were done, but I had my second wind.

"You did an exemplary job, Detective Beckett," Hortez noted as the adrenaline started to slow down in my system. "You sure you're not interested in SWAT?"

"No, thanks," I said. "SWAT would take me away from Natalie."

"You really love that little girl, don't you?"

"I do." I considered advancing through the ranks. All that would mean was being taken further away from my daughter. Maybe I hadn't thought through my career and having a baby as well as I thought I should. Granted, I'd never give up Natalie, but neither would I let go of my work.

As we processed the men we arrested, Gates oversaw the work. "Sometimes, I'm afraid of losing you to another precinct, Detective," she said.

"Don't worry about that. Not now."

* * *

I went directly to juvenile hall once all the men we caught were processed and put into county. When I arrived, they had the TV in the lobby on CNN, it was showing a helicopter's view of the warehouse attack. It was still smoking. I was met with applause in the lobby and then they all saluted me. I saluted back.

I was taken directly into the isolation area to see Natalie, who jumped up and ran to me. She was wearing her Katy Perry t-shirt, her favorite, and her light-up sneakers. "Kate!" she cried.

It felt so good to hold my baby bird. It really did.

"I was so scared when they took me," she said into my neck, sobbing.

"We caught him," I said. "We caught the bad guys."

"You caught the whole gang?" she asked, excited.

"Just about. We caught Savage, too."

"Does this mean I get out?"

"I don't know. I hope so. If not, I'll come by every day until you do."

"I want you to!"

"I will, I promise. Rick and I both will. And we're putting in the petition to adopt you. If you still want us to."

She gasped. "A forever family?"

"Yes."

"You'll be my mom?"

"Yes."

"Can I call you that?"

"Always."


	11. Baby Bird is in the Nest

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Baby Bird makes a landing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer- I still don't own Castle, Andrew Marlowe does, and I don't want him to sue me for playing in his sandbox. I'm just having fun, I make no moneys.

They didn't allow me to take Nat home that night, so I lived up to my promise. They had a teacher come in and give her homework assignments, but it was Castle and me who came in and did her homework with her every night. In the meantime, Castle and I put in a request to adopt Natalie.

The adoption process moved slowly for people who had never officially fostered children. But the week before Savage's trial in June, we got the news that she'd be released into our custody after giving testimony. We were overjoyed. We brought her pizza that night to celebrate.

I took off work the day that Savage was going to federal trial for murder, terrorist activities, and a multitude of other felony crimes involving drug trafficking. Once Natalie gave her account, she was to be released to us. I was so ready for it. I asked to be a part of her police escort into the courthouse, so I met her at the exit of juvenile hall. She beamed when she saw me. "Mom!" she shrieked, running to me. I picked her up in a hug. She was wearing a navy blue pencil skirt and a white blouse with the mary janes I had bought her. I had found a broach with a bird on it, and it gave the outfit a little pop.

"Are you ready?" I asked.

"Yes! I'm ready!"

"Let's go," I said, taking her hand. "Daddy's going to meet us in the courthouse."

"Yeah!"

We went in a van with tinted windows so that the paparazzi didn't see her face and the driver took us into an underground parking garage to get her out of the van and into the courtroom. Natalie admitted she had gotten pretty lonely in protective custody, which I expected. I took her hand as they cleared out the courtroom so that she could give her testimony about what happened the night that Jerry was murdered. There were no cameras, Savage was taken out of the courtroom, just the jury, the court reporter, and the judge. I wasn't even allowed in, but her social worker was.

Castle met us at the entrance and gave her a big hug.

"I'm ready to come home, Daddy," she whispered in his ear.

"I'm ready, too."

"Alright, let's go in," the social worker said to Nat.

"Bye!" she called to us, disappearing behind the door.

I took my husband's hand. The relief was palpable; she was coming home in just a little while. She had been in protective custody for two months, almost. I didn't want to think about what the isolation did to her. On the bright side, she had read  _Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban_  all by herself.

About a half hour later, Nat came bounding out, her curly hair bouncing.

"She's free to come home with the two of you," the social worker said.

"A forever home," Natalie cried, triumphant.

"Forever and ever," I agreed.

We walked out into the sunlight together, a family.

* * *

I held Natalie that night in my arms while the Welcome Home party thrown by Alexis wound down; my daughter was tired out and didn't fight it.

"I love you, Mommy," she uttered as she fell asleep.

The greatest feeling I had ever had in my entire life welled up inside me with those words; this was the love I wanted to have for a baby of my own for so long. I had a successful career, and the loving family. I really did have it all. "I love you too, Nat."

It didn't matter if I never got pregnant. I had never done the next round of IVF since my eggs were last harvested. Those two eggs laid in a medical freezer in downtown and frankly, I did not care if I ever got pregnant. As long as I was holding Natalie, I didn't really have any want or need to ever try again.

_She is my baby bird. And I am her mother._

It felt good to have her in my arms in our forever home. Forever and ever. And always.


	12. Epilogue: The First 10 Got-Ya Days

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Natalie's Got-Ya days are celebrated.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer- I still don't own Castle, Andrew Marlowe does, and I don't want him to sue me for playing in his sandbox. Thanks for sticking with me as I hammered out this story this weekend, free from baby! I love you all!

 

**Got Ya Day March 12th: Year 1**

I watched as Natalie stood on the center of the stage of her school, wearing a blue dress that Alexis had picked out, the spotlight on her and the audience was silent. I couldn't believe she had gotten this far; this was the Greenwood Day School fifth grade Spelling Bee. True, she still lacked in math, but her love of science and English were enough to get her promoted a year once we got her into a private school. She twirled a lock of her hair nervously around her finger.

"Miss Castle, since Mr. Davis couldn't spell Anaphylaxis, it's your turn to spell it. If you spell it right, you've won the Fifth Grade Spelling Bee for Greenwood Day School."

She stepped up to the mic and swallowed.

"Anaphylaxis. A-N-A," she began. She swallowed and Castle grabbed my hand. His hand felt just as cold and clammy as mine. "P….H?" She glanced the moderator, who didn't move. "Y?...  _L_ … A-X-I-S? Anaphylaxis."

Castle and I stood up and started screaming. Then, I realized we were the only ones making all the noise.

"Guys!" Alexis hissed beside us, embarrassed as hell. "Shh!"

"Yes, that's correct! Natalie Castle, you are the fifth grade Spelling Bee winner of Greenwood Day School!"

Natalie's face broke into a grin as the audience applauded. Our daughter, who had been functionally illiterate one short year ago had won the school's Spelling Bee!

**Got Ya Day March 12th: Year 2**

"I hope you're ready to serve this ten pounds of sugar and lard," Laney said, carrying a giant pink box from the bakery.

"Right here," I said, indicating the picnic table. We had been organizing so many things on Got Ya Day, the work was never-ending for us. Laney had done a good job with being Natalie's Godmother and had volunteered to make this party work by picking up the cake for us.

Natalie and her classmates were playing volleyball in Central Park, and blessedly, it had turned out sunny and a perfect early spring day, if not a little chilly. Natalie was now serving the game. Somehow, in the last year, she had grown a set of boobs, which she was weirded out about and didn't quite know what to do with, now. She had yet to have a growth spurt, though. I was dreading that she'd be the really hot girl in her grade a few years and wouldn't know what to do. The boys in her grade made me nervous.

She tossed the volleyball into the air and struck it with her fist and it hurdled over the next.

Ben, Alexis's new boyfriend, called the play when the otherside missed. I liked Ben; he was from the South, had been in the Marines for seven years before going back to graduate school, and best of all, had already published a book through Penguin. He had and Castle had a lot to talk about, and he even brought up possibly proposing to Alexis, which we jumped at.

She opened for me it said, NATALIE IN THE MIDDLE.

"Are you kidding me?" I cried. "I told them! It needs to say 'Natalie' in the middle, not 'NATALIE IN THE MIDDLE.'"

Laney burst out laughing. "I hope she's got a sense of humor about it."

"Natalie!" I called. "Come over here!"

The game was over, the last miss was the winning point. Natalie came running over.

"Nat," I began. "Baby bird, I'm so sorry…" I hoped this didn't ruin her special day.

She slipped her glasses on and took a look, and then gave me a wide grin. "Mom, what did you tell the cake-maker?" she asked, giggling.

**Got Ya Day March 12th: Year 3**

We were putting off Natalie's Got Ya Day this year because of two reasons; we got the call the week before that Natalie's half-brother had been found. We had finally located her birth father, who lived in California before being arrested for transporting drugs across state lines and imprisoned. He had no idea Natalie existed, but had volunteered to do a genetic test, and the test came up positive. He had another child who was only three, who had been turned over to the foster system named Miguel. We got pictures of him and he was to die for, the cutest little face with dimples when he smiled and dark eyes. Knowing that Natalie had a half-brother, we couldn't NOT take him in, even if it was cross-country. Her birth father had written us and told us that it was best that his kids were with a really good family that could give them a better life than he ever could.

The other reason: Alexis had announced she was pregnant a few weeks earlier with Ben's baby and wanted to get the wedding taken care of as soon as possible, so she wasn't showing at her wedding. We had thrown together a quick celebration in the Hamptons, after this, we were flying out to Los Angeles to pick up Miguel and bring him back to New York.

"You don't mind putting off Got Ya Day?" Alexis asked Natalie apologetically as we sat in the spa with our feet in the pedicure tubs.

"Maybe you should have thought about that before you put Ben's boy parts in your girl parts and rubbed them together," Natalie teased. "That's so gross!" This was basically how I had described sex to Natalie, which ended with her screaming and hollering in disgust.  _You and dad did that?_  she asked in horror. I nodded. She claimed she'd never do that, but I saw her putting up pictures on her walls of boys from the TV shows she watched. She's want to, one day. She told me she had already kissed her boyfriend, which broke my heart.

She was turning out very beautiful, despite her braces; she had taken an interest in make-up and often loved playing with it, now that we had gotten her contact lenses. Her hair had gradually gone from dark blonde to honey-brown, although she had been begging me for months for highlights. She was turning into the hot girl right before my very eyes, and it made me, as well as Castle, very, very uneasy whenever boys were around her. She had a "boyfriend" she was "going out" with at school, which basically meant they sat together at lunch and talked on the phone every night. She had begged and begged for a cell phone around Christmas, and we finally got her first cell phone, which she always had on her ear.

Alexis blushed. "Don't knock it. One day you'll want to do that, too."

"No way! Never with my boyfriend! If that's how the human race has kept on going, gross! I'm going to adopt! That's so creepy!"

"Hey, this is your niece or nephew!"

"What are you going to name them?" she asked.

"Don't say Cosmo," I said.

"No. No 'Cosmo.' I think we're going to name the baby Lucy if it's a girl and Jack if it's a boy."

"Either name, I'm going to love them," Nat said softly. She kissed Alexis's stomach, which wasn't even showing, yet. "Even if you did have to do that gross stuff to have them."

**Got Ya Day March 12th: Year 4**

I stood before a whole auditorium of people, announcing my run for New York State Senator.

"I stand up here today as a failure.

"I don't think it should be any surprise to anybody that my platform is going to be bettering life for the children in this state," I said at the podium. I had been planning this for the last eight months when my efforts to better the foster care system in this state had been met with red tape. "We're creating a society where children in the foster system are swept up into the judicial system by accident and there's really no one in their corner, so they turn into hardened criminals. The only way we can stop that from happening is to nip it in the bud by giving them excellent foster care and eventually, adoptions, no matter what their age.

"I was terrified of adopting a child that wasn't a baby when I found out that I couldn't have children. But my life was changed when I was investigating a murder scene and a tiny little girl came bursting out of a stairwell and knocked my husband over. I managed to get her to the floor, where she promptly told me, 'I'm not a snitch, and I'm not your bitch!'" The audience laughed, just like I wanted them to do. "We tried to do the right thing and return her to her foster home, but what I saw was not safe. I took her there and it was not a good place for a child. There was yellow water running through the faucets and the bathrooms didn't even work. The apartment wasn't heated, either. She hadn't been taken to school, and at the time, was considered functionally illiterate. She had only met this particular foster mother once, and that was it, one week earlier, the rest of the week, a foster child in a gang was overseeing her care. I later found out that he had taken all the food in the apartment away from her and threatened her with, 'Closed legs don't get fed.' She fought back, and luckily, she resorted to stealing food to survive in that short time instead of child prostitution. But if we hadn't found her in time, she'd have been dragged into that terrible life. No child deserves to be told that they have to earn love, shelter, clothing, an education, or even the right to eat; all children need these things unconditionally to grow into functional, productive adults. When my husband and I sat down with her to do her homework at the dining room table, she panicked and asked what we were doing; she had never had a foster parent involved in her education. Three days later, she got an A on her homework, and you should have seen the pride on her face. That was worth it.

"It turned out she was severely neglected, abused, and ignored since entering the system. Her grades reflected that. I worried I wasn't capable of parenting a foster child, that I didn't have the psychological training and expertise to raise her correctly. It turned out, I did, but I was not the one that saved her; she saved me. I was struggling with infertility at the time, convinced that a baby would be easier to raise than a ten-year-old girl. I realize that that's not really true; it's just as hard to raise a baby as it is any child of any age.

"One year later, she had learned so much that she won the Spelling Bee for her grade at Greenwood Day School in Manhattan. I realized that all she needed was love and attention and a regular schedule, great advice I got from my captain, who was my lifeline during that time. Now, my daughter is one of the best students in her grade at Marlowe Prep, had won awards, is in student government, and plays volleyball for her school. She's our baby bird, and we couldn't be more proud of her. But I still see children being failed by the foster care system, and it's distressing to me, which was why I started a grassroots action campaign to better the foster system and encourage people to not be so afraid of taking in foster children.

"But its been a tough ride: all my efforts to improve the foster care system in New York state have been systematically met with red tape and bureaucracy. This is why I'm running for the state government; I want to make the foster care system in this state better because… our children deserve it. All of them deserve a safe and loving home. They deserve parents that turn them into productive adults, parents who they want to call and keep up with later in life, a forever family. So often, would-be foster parents decline, stating that it's too hard or a terrible case they saw on the news where a foster child went crazy and committed a heinous crime. That's a rarity, it's not the norm. All foster children need a safe place where they feel loved. All foster children deserve a fair chance at life. Most of the ones I've met are just kids craving love and attention and for whatever reason, can't find that anywhere.

"And yes, I failed as a foster parent: I couldn't give my daughter back. When I held her as she fell asleep, and she said, 'I love you, Mommy' it was the greatest feeling I had ever had in my entire life. That's the way new moms feel when they hold the baby that they just gave birth to for the first time. I could never give her up. She's my whole world. And then, my son, Miguel, came into my life, and my life is complete, now. With that in mind, I'm announcing my intent to run on my daughter and my son's Got-Ya Da, a day we celebrate that they came into our family, because I have every intention of making sure every child in our foster care system gets a Got Ya Day with a loving family that they deserve. We need real reform, because our kids are the most important thing in the world."

**Got Ya Day March 12th: Year 5**

I had won the State Senator seat and left the police force, but only after a nude picture 'scandal,' which we pretty much laughed off. I think that's why I had a landslide; I didn't give a fuck over some nude modeling pictures from my college years, despite the conservative right trying so hard to rail against me for being a slut. I laughed and was happy when they brought up an old picture in an interview. "I thought these got destroyed a while back, when my apartment was blown up by a murder suspect I was tracking when I was a homicide detective!" I said, excited. "I thought these were lost, how cool that they were found! Didn't I look great? What the hell, I still look great, don't I?" That left my interviewer stunned.

They claimed I was the antiChrist, but I just said,  _I knew I had great boobs back then, so what? They were awesome. They still are, trust me. I'm not ashamed; I was young and beautiful. I'm not ashamed now, either! Why should I be? It was art, not pornography._  The feminist movement hailed me like Jesus after that and I won by a landslide.

Then, the whole conspiracy theory had hatched that I was a lesbian and used Castle as my beard since I never took his last name. I had to explain that I had worked hard to succeed in the police force, just like I was working hard now. My name meant something to me long before I got married and long before I ran for office, that's why I never changed it to Castle's.

I also decided to put it all out there; the reason I had never given birth was because I suffered from endometriosis, so much so that I had had to have a partial hysterectomy last year and never carried any of my conceptions to term. I was asked by the National Endometriosis Foundation, stationed in Buffalo, to speak up for funding on the research. It was a difficult choice, but I took the position of spokeswoman, determined to leave my shame at the door.

"The reason why there's so much mystery about this disease is because nobody's willing to speak publicly about it," I said from the podium. "I'm willing to be open and honest with the voting public, just like the Revlon company was about cervical cancer and just like how Susan G. Komen was about breast cancer. Before them, these diseases were taboo and there was little to no funding for treatment. Few women knew what those diseases were until it was far too late and were too ashamed when they suspected something, so they delayed treatment, ending up hurting their reproductive capabilities and eventually, threatening their own lives. There's no face to endometriosis due to the shaming stigma, so nobody wants to invest in managing and curing it, either. Most men don't know much about it because they're afraid to ask and educate themselves and they buy into the stigma that it's gross to talk about because it has to do with menstruation. There's not much research on managing it and we, as women, are encouraged to keep it quiet and are shamed for bringing it up. The cause is a mystery, and that's adding to the shame and stigma. Then, the infertility happens due to it, and then cancer. It's time that changed. Women are dying from lack of knowledge, education, and funding the cure for this disease. The victims deserve to be treated with dignity and respect for their battle and they deserve better options and care. The time for being ashamed of having this disease is over for me. And I want it to be over for all women who have it. We have to work towards a cure with this disease or it's never going to improve or get better.

"I've decided that, even though this is embarrassing and private for me, I'm going to speak up about it and the troubles it's given me and family and all the hiding and embarrassment and secrecy we've had to go through. My husband said to me a few years back when were thinking about adopting my youngest daughter, 'we have to be the change we want to see in the world.' And it's right. I have to be the voice I've been waiting for with endometriosis. It's excruciating pain and so often brushed off and spoken down to as inappropriate to speak about. I've kept it to myself for a long time. I didn't tell my husband about it until we had been together for a few months, and I never told my other boyfriends, either. I only trusted one of my best friends with this knowledge for years. When I tried to get pregnant, I struggled with a short-term conception that miscarried early, and I struggled with IVF before adopting and going into early menopause. This happened because I didn't know what to do, due to lack of medical research out there and lack of understanding. It was often written off as me just being overdramatic over my period or making an excuse. I'll never forget the pain being so terrible, I could hard move. I'll never forget collapsing during class when I was in high school and being taken to a hospital, where, after three ambulance trips, they finally diagnosed me with it and put me on an endless cycle of birth control for years. And that's only one instance of not being taken seriously, even after getting diagnosed. I ended up getting a partial hysterectomy about three years ago, ending any chances of ever having a pregnancy, just to escape the pain I was in. While I found my real children through adoption, what I've been through is not fun, it's not fair, and it's not right to keep it quiet. For years after my mother died, my main focus was on making a career where I got to speak for the dead as a homicide detective in the New York Police Department. Now, I'll be the voice women everywhere need to make a change and take medical control to live happier, longer lives with less pain and more choices and to be taken seriously. This is a serious problem that affects our mothers, daughters, sister, girlfriends, and friends. We need to be proactive about it if we want to see it end."

I came down from the Senate pulpit and an entire group of people had crowded the Senate floor to cheer me on. It turned out that a lot of women, even those without endometriosis, had wanted someone to lead the charge in bringing about awareness and medical innovation. They celebrated me and told me not to ever feel shame for talking about my own struggles. It felt good to know I made a difference to all of them.

I flew home from Albany in secret that night.

"Look, Kate," my advisor said, pushing his iPad over to me as I was dropped off at the Albany airport.

Jezebel dot com had done a story on me in just a few short hours, showing a video of my speech to the floor. I grinned. So maybe, my not being able to have a baby wasn't so bad in the end; I was doing something really amazing for women everywhere. I knew that my pain was giving so many women a voice, now. It felt right. I was leaving a better world for Natalie and Miguel (and Alexis, even though she was already grown up) to inherit.

Even though it was late, I sneaked into our building right as Castle was finishing homework with Natalie and had was putting Miguel to bed.

"Mom!" Natalie shrieked, coming down the stairs as I walked in the door. "You made it to Got Ya Day!"

"Of course!" I cried, taking my petite daughter into my arms and squeezing her. "Did you think I'd miss it? No way!"

**Got Ya Day March 12th: Year 6**

I had put off the announcement of my running for US Senator when it was supposed to fall on Marlowe Prep's Spring Formal. I had to be there for Natalie's big night; she had been asked to the formal by Jesse Garcia, the son of a Mexican music superstar. We had found a dress after an entire weekend of hunting through every major department store and formal shop and even a few designers. She told me all about Jesse every night I was home with her from Albany and when we talked over Skype when I wasn't. She was in love with him (or so she said). Him asking her to the dance made her sophomore year. After getting her hair and make-up done professionally, Natalie came down the stairs, glowing, wearing her formal dress. It looked amazing on her.; a light-blue dress a white sash and lace on the bodice. Alexis had come over with Lucy, her little red-headed toddler, to see the end result: she was pregnant with her second child with Ben.

"Nat-wee, you look pwetty!" Miguel said.

"Thanks, Migs," she said. "Where's Dad?" she asked me.

The doorbell rang and Jesse was waiting. "Hi, Jesse," I said, opening the door. He was tall, dark, and handsome with cheekbones you could surf on. I understood her excitement over getting asked. "Come on in."

Castle suddenly burst out of his office in a bloodstained white lab coat and a bloody severed head. "Castle!" I shouted. "No!"

"Dad!" Alexis shouted. Lucy started crying at the sight of her grandfather covered in blood. Alexis picked her up and shushed her.

"Dad!" Natalie cried, blushing. "What are you doing?"

The gleam in his eye died, and he frowned. "Okay." He sauntered back into his office, tail between his legs.

"Hey, Mr. Castle," Jesse said, blushing.

"He's trying to scare Jesse," I said. "Nice try, Castle, but it's not going to work!"

**Got Ya Day March 12th: Year 7**

Now that I had won a seat on the Senate floor in DC, we had moved down to Georgetown in DC. We missed Alexis, Ben, Lucy, and Jack, but it was for the best; Natalie was finishing her last few years of high school at Georgetown Visitation Preparatory School, an all-girls Catholic institution, and was seeing Jesse long-distance. Tonight, I got out of the Senate to see her speak at Diversity Day. I sneaked into the auditorium as the Dean was giving his welcome to the students, teachers, and the parents in attendance. I listened to girls give speeches about their backgrounds and was glad we had chosen Georgetown Visitation for Nat.

Natalie was introduced and she had a smattering of applause. "Hi, my name is Natalie Castle. Yes,  _that_  Castle. And while I'm white, my story is  _still_  about the family I was born into and how my current family is not really like everybody else's. Today is my Got Ya Day, a day my family celebrates my entrance into their lives, it's like a second birthday every year. Seven years ago today, I almost slipped through the cracks of the foster care system that surely would have lead me into drugs and prostitution and eventually an early death, had I not been in the wrong place at the right time. Today is the day I met the people that would become my forever family, Rick Castle and Kate Beckett, who changed my life, and they tell me everyday that I changed theirs..."

**Got Ya Day March 12th: Year 8**

This had been a stressful week for us; Natalie had gone back to New York by herself on the train to meet Alexis and Ben to stay at their apartment. She really wanted to see Jesse during spring break, and she was skipping Got Ya Day with us. We took Miguel out to Absolute Air, a trampoline park in Arlington to celebrate with his friends from school and us. It had been a hard choice for Natalie, since Jesse and she were having a lot of problems being so far apart. She made the choice, and we let her go. Alexis promised she'd try to make Natalie's Got Ya Day a big deal with Jesse, but as the party started that morning with all Miguel's friends, I got a frantic call from Natalie.

"Mom, I need to come home," she sobbed.

"What's the matter?" I asked.

"I'll tell you when I get there. Can you pick me up from the train station tonight?"

"Of course, honey."

That night, she got off the train, her pretty face tear-stained and her eyes swollen.

"What happened?" I asked. "Is everything okay with Jesse?"

"Mom, he dumped me," she sobbed. "He said he can't do this long-distance thing anymore, and he told me that he didn't want me anymore."

"What… how?" I guided her to the car and let her in. She cried for a few more minutes, and I rubbed her shoulder as I drove back to Georgetown. "I'll kill him for saying that to you!" She cried for a few more minutes. "He has some nerve dumping you when you go up to see him," I said. "Two and a half years…"

"Mom… I had sex with him," she blurted out.

I felt my stomach drop out of my body. "What?"

"We had sex and it wasn't that great, and the next morning he called me at Alexis and Ben's and said it wasn't going to work out." She shivered and a sobbed wracked out of her body. "Mom, I gave up my virginity to him because he kept on telling me he'd stick it out until we got to college if I did it with him! I did it with him and he dumped me anyways! I feel so stupid!"

"I'm gonna kill him," I began.

"No!" she cried. "Don't kill him!"

"He used you and dumped you, how dare he?" I snarled. "He tricked you! I'm going to call your Uncle Javi and have him set him straight. Right now!"

"Mom, don't tell Dad! He'll be so mad at me!"

"Did you use a condom?" I asked her.

"Yes! Do you think I'm stupid or something? Of course we used a condom! I listen to you! I don't want to get pregnant like Alexis did!"

"I'm going to knock the shit out of that kid," I seethed.

Castle responded the same way that night. We planned to put the fear of God into Jesse for dumping our daughter right after sleeping with her, like Natalie said he pressured her to do for months on end leading up to the visit. Ben ended up being the one that set Jesse straight, and Natalie got an apology a few days later via email, although she was strong enough to not take him back.

I was proud of her for having enough self-respect to stick up for herself without my help now. She was strong through the whole thing.

**Got Ya Day March 12th: Year 9**

Natalie's new boyfriend from Georgetown Visitation's brother school, Eric, was having a family dinner with us to celebrate Got Ya Day tomorrow. I had gotten re-elected to my seat in the Senate, and was enjoying (ha ha, not really) my second term. I met nothing but red tape and bureaucracy. And damn those cult-minded Tea Partiers for blocking any kind of progress, then blaming us for not enough change! I vowed that this would be my last term in the Senate, I was going to back to New York to campaign for change in the foster care system and working with the National Endometriosis Campaign.

Alexis and Ben came down with Lucy and Jack, and we started a casual family dinner on the back porch of our townhouse.

"I've got an announcement, and I'm so glad we're all here so I can make it," Natalie said. "Especially since this year's Got Ya Day turned out so much better than last." She opened up a file folder and pulled out five letters. "I've been accepted to five Universities, including my number one choice!"

"Nat, I'm so excited for you!" Alexis cried. "Which one was it?"

"Vassar, second to Sarah Lawrence," she said.

"What? When?" Castle cried. "I see the mail everyday!"

"I have own my mailbox," she scoffed. "I also got into American U, NYU, and Berkley."

"You have to go to NYU," Alexis said. "So we can be close! You can live with us!"

"Let's not jump ahead of ourselves here, Allie," Ben began carefully, picking up Jack, who was screaming over something new suddenly.

"No, we're moving back to New York when I'm done with my term, and then we'll..." I spotted something under Natalie's white button-up shirt sleeve. I grabbed her arm and whisked it back. "Natalie, what is this?" I cried. "A tattoo? When did you get this?"

She squealed and wrung away from me. "Don't look!"

"Nat, when did you get inked?" Castle cried.

"Let me see it!" Alexis cried, reaching for her arm. Natalie pulled her arm away.

"She's tattooed!" Ben sang. "Whatcha gonna do?"

"Nat got a tattoo!" Miguel cried. "I wanna see it!"

"Fine," Natalie said, pulling her shirt sleeve up. "Here is it."

It was a tattoo of two birds; one larger, one smaller. Her love of birds had gone too far.

"Why in the world did you get that?" I spluttered. "And you've got a sleeveless white dress to wear for graduation! Nat, what were you thinking?" I cried.

"It's a mother bird and a baby bird. Because I'm your baby bird, and you are my mother. I was thinking of you and how much I'm going to miss you next year, that's why I got it, Mom! You!"

**Got Ya Day March 12th: Year 10**

This was my first Got Ya Day without Natalie or Miguel. I couldn't get out of a hearing in DC until late, and she was at college. I had been strong the day we moved her up to Vassar; we had met the roommate in her dorm, unpacked her, set her up, given her an emergency credit card, and kissed her goodbye. The entire time, I tried not to cry in front of her, but I sobbed the entire way home. Castle comforted me, and told me I had done a good job of not crying in front of her. My baby bird was in college and had a boyfriend at Columbia this year. We had spent the Christmas holiday together as a family in the Hamptons where I got to know Jason, whose family had a Hamptons House down the street, too. The townhouse seemed so empty without her there, although Miguel still made his fair share of noise.

We had a party for Miguel, and Natalie called. We had talked for an hour, and I missed her terribly. She promised to come to New York and spend the whole summer with us when we moved back soon.

I opened the door to my bedroom after we put Miguel down for the night, and there was a birdcage in the corner. There was a sheet on top of it, and a card attached. I opened it and saw Natalie's handwriting.

_Mom,_

_I hate that we can't spend today together, but in my heart, I'm always with you. I may not have been born from your body, but you will always be the person I know I can always go to when I need love and understanding. You gave me a solid foundation and put my life on the right course, and I am forever thankful for that. You are my mother, and there will never be another person I'd ever trust than you. I hope one day I can be half the mother you were to me. I'll see you soon and I love you. I hope you enjoy the present!_

_Always with Love,_

_Your Baby Bird_

I pulled off the sheet and two little finches were inside the cage. A mother bird and a baby bird.

"So you found it," Castle said, walking into the bedroom. "Do you like it?"

"I love it," I said. I took off my jacket, and there on my own forearm, was the same tattoo that Natalie had, just with script on it.

_For you are my baby bird, and I am your mother. Always._

THE END

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Got Ya Day is a tradition with families with adopted children. It's like a second birthday every year where they celebrate getting them. I thought this would be a nice epilogue for this story. Thank you to all of you who stuck with this story and thank you for all the comments and kudos I've received! It means so much to me as a writer, since I do this for love, not money. XOXO


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